Four Fab Months

As of tomorrow, Jaggar will be four months old. And so it's been four months since our lives turned upside down and we started living every moment trying to figure out and cater to one very small, adorable and amusing little dictator. :P But seriously, Jaggar continues to be the most fun baby and my awesome little buddy. We are having such a great time together.

In the past many weeks, Jaggar has started laughing, spitting/blowing raspberries, cooing, gooing, squealing and even making noises that make me think he's trying to "sing". It's hilarious and thoroughly entertaining. He's incredibly loud but this, like his cry, is a product of having me for a mother. What can I say? I come from a loud, vocal family! But at least most of Jaggar's noises are the joyful variety. And this is good because literally from the moment he wakes up in the morning (laying next to me, of course) he's cooing, gooing, chatting and raspberry-ing. He's completely silly and adorable.

The sleep situation continues to be a two steps forward, one step back proposition. No, we still haven't figured out what will make him sleep a good, long time other than just waiting for him to get bigger. Having said that, he's started sleeping longer - his first stretch of the night goes for about five hours. He still often wakes during that time, though, and we have to rock him back to sleep or feed him a little bit more if he fell asleep in the middle of the bottle we gave him to get him into bed in the first place. Yes, it's a bit of a chore, this bedtime with baby thing. But slowly, he does seem to be going a little longer. It's not that 8, 10 or 12 hour stretch that everyone else with a baby seems to get but at this point, I'll definitely take what I can get. I'm not picky; I'm just grateful.

These days Jaggar is extremely aware and notices lots of things he was never really interested in before. This is great, of course, since I can see his little brain working and recognizing things and being curious. This is bad, of course, because it's really challenging to get him to focus on things like breastfeeding when his toys or the t.v. or even the sound of Papa's voice are SO interesting. He's feeding a lot more efficiently these days, which is nice, so feedings don't take nearly as long (and are spacing out to almost 4 hours apart now) but sometimes it's like herding cats to get him to focus - and re-focus and re-focus and re-focus - on feeding. I'm definitely glad he's not one of those sleepy, boring babies, as I've said before, but his awareness does present its challenges. I suspect, though, that this is only the beginning of the challenges his keen awareness will bring. :)

After bragging (well, at least to myself) that Jaggar is the smartest, brightest, most aware little guy, I realized the other day, reading one of those baby website emails that I get, that he has missed a milestone. Apparently he's supposed to be able to roll over from his stomach to his back by now. Hmmm... Well, he hates being on his stomach. "Tummy Time" each day is definitely a forced proposition. Much as I feel awful that maybe he's not developing ideally or on schedule, the little guy is probably going to have to come along at his own pace on this one. I have shown him many times how to roll over from his tummy to his back but I know he's not going to do it until he's darn good and ready. And maybe, just maybe, I need to stop being one of those paranoid mothers who wigs out over milestones. Maybe I just need to go with the flow...

Really, that's what I do most days. Jaggar and I are in a pretty good groove right now. I'm able to shower during the mornings now, bathe him by myself and generally do all of the things I need to do with him mostly without Johann's help. Johann is, of course, always super helpful but it's a nice feeling of accomplishment to take over the whole job myself during the day and be a success at it. That and it's nice to not have to wait until he's here to get a shower in. I'd grown pretty tired of being stinky!

Baby boy is due for his four month appointment at the doctor's on February 28th. I suspect he's going to tip the scales at significantly over 14 lbs since he's outgrowing his clothing at a rapid pace and getting as plump as a Christmas turkey. The kid has definitely not missed any meals and while he started out as a "skinny-mini" he's starting to get that chubby baby fat I've been aiming for all along. Chubby Mission: Accomplished. :)

As for Johann and I, we managed to get out for a date back in January - we went to the movies and then to one of our favorite Tapas places - so it was nice to feel like we still sort of have a life and a relationship outside baby. We're due for another date sometime this week which I'm, of course, happily looking forward to. Jaggar's starting into the "stranger danger" phase I think so I'm not sure how long we'll get away with leaving him with someone and having him be okay but we'll push our luck until it changes. Much as I adore the little guy and much as my brain and body feel "odd" without him with me, I really do crave those few hours away even if sometimes I spend them at the grocery store!

Well, that's all the good stuff that's going on right now. We're looking forward to a visit from my father and brother here soon so Jaggar will finally get to meet his Granddad and Uncle. Can't wait! Otherwise, the little guy's getting bigger, getting even more cute, is checking out the world around him and hopefully is learning to sleep longer through the night. And, on his own timetable, he will roll over. I just know he will. :)

J.

The First Three Months

I fully admit that I’ve been remiss in writing in my blog. Life with a new baby is hectic and I’ve resolved not to make apologies for not keeping up with outside responsibilities. Being a mom is a HUGE life change and, as y’all know, I’m always honest in this blog about how life is – no candy coating. While some women seem to take to a life of “mommy-dom” like a proverbial duck to water, for me, it’s been a massive, crazy adjustment.

In the end, though – and by “the end” I mean, three months in now – I can say that while I may have been overwhelmed at the start, and I find I’m still overwhelmed by a general lack of sleep (and memory and maybe even a bit of sanity), I am most certainly also overwhelmed by my love for this little man whose come into my life to fill my days with smiles, inquisitiveness and poopy diapers.

Perhaps that’s where I should start – the fact that I had a baby boy. Who knew? Oh, wait. About two dozen people! Well, everyone had a 50/50 chance of getting the gender correct, I suppose, but if you know the Gomez family then you know that the chance of getting a boy was more like 90% since boys are simply what they make. So, I wasn’t surprised in the delivery room when they said it was a boy. It was still surreal, mind you, but even leaving for the hospital in labor I did sort of have this intuition that it was going to be a boy. And it’s hard to argue with intuition.

Labor, labor, labor…I’d regale you all with the story but it’s just too crazy for me to even want to tell for what would be the zillionth time now. Suffice it to say, after 28 hours of labor, four rounds of painkillers (including two rounds of epidural), a cervix that pretty much never wanted to dilate despite contractions that came one on top of the other and less than one minute apart, a fever (for me) and fetal distress (for the baby) set in so the doctor told us the baby needed to be delivered immediately. And since I was STILL only dilated to 7 cm, delivery had to come in the form of a c-section. Game over.

It sounds terrible to say but even though I broke into tears when she told me that, part of me also felt an incredible sense of relief that I wasn’t going to have to push the baby out. I was exhausted out of my mind by that point – physically and emotionally. I really don’t know how I would have pushed for three or more hours after what I’d already been through. Also, as we later found out, Jaggar was sunny-side up and wedged very firmly in my pelvis so, as the doctor put it, I likely would not have been able to push him out anyway and still would have needed a c-section. So, better to have gotten it before I gave myself an aneurysm pushing anyway!

Besides, by the time they were performing the surgery, I felt more calm and collected than I’d felt since labor started. Granted, the whole scene was completely surreal. The lower half of my body felt so disconnected from me it was like the surgery was happening in another room. But when they brought Jaggar around the curtain and put him on the warming table to clean him up, looking over my shoulder at him, I realized two profound things:

1.) I can’t believe that poor kid got my big, flat feet! Of all the traits I could have passed on to him! Good lord!

and

2.) I can’t believe it but I’m totally, completely and head-over-heels in love with that purplish, screaming, wet, gooshy baby! That’s MY baby! Give him to me now!!!

So, maybe getting the c-section was the right way to go, much as the recovery was a bear, the scar is quite unsightly, I was fairly traumatized for several weeks afterward and the whole situation was not at all the birth I thought I would have. It nevertheless gave me a peaceful break at just the moment it benefitted me the most – Jaggar’s birth. Many thankfully forthright parents had warned me that if I didn’t fall in love with the baby immediately upon birth that it was okay and I shouldn’t worry because eventually I would love him. And honestly, I totally thought I’d be like that. I thought it would take a while for me to feel a connection to a baby because, again, I’m just not the “mommy” type. But even I was amazed that I completely loved him upon first sight. He’s been the light of my life since the first moment I laid eyes on him.

And good thing, too, because that’s what got me through the first three harrowing weeks…

The baby blues are real. I will preface this by saying that, perhaps again to my amazement, I did not end up with too much in the way of genuine post-partum depression. This is not to say that I wouldn’t cry at the drop of a hat – sentimental movie or t.v. show, thoughtful gesture, a stressful moment, money worries – that all can get me tearing up pretty quick. But that crushing depression, which I was sure, with my own personal history of depression, was essentially a guarantee, never materialized. This is not to say that life has been a cake walk. I’ve had enough self-doubt and second-guessing myself as a mother to squash a mere mortal. However, my spirits have been easily salvageable, especially by my husband who seems to always know just the right thing to say or gesture to make to return me from the dumps to feeling like I can at least breathe again. Having a partner who’s in this with me 100% has been key to keeping my head above water in every sense. I truly do not know how I’d do this without Johann.

Having said that, though, the first three weeks were a melee of full-on baby blues. Hell, I think even Johann might have had them to some degree! The first week I honestly wondered what I had done and why it was that I thought that torpedoing my otherwise great life with a constantly-hungry, frequently crying and infrequently sleeping baby was a good idea. Again, it was very helpful that I was completely in love with the little guy. That feeling was compelling enough to bring me back from the brink a number of times and, as such, it was truly a blessing. In the rare moment that I’d get to take a nap while someone else cared for him, I’d wake up kind of refreshed and, for a split second life would feel like it did before I had a baby – easy and completely in control. And then I would remember the baby and think, What have I done? That’s when I’d remind myself that I love Jaggar and somehow I will get through this. Gradually, I did.

Sometime during my step-mom Cathy’s visit, I think her very sweet and positive attitude rubbed off on me and the dark skies over my head brightened. Johann and I went out on our first post-baby date to a yummy Indian restaurant and for the first time, life had a miniscule degree of “normalcy” to it again. I told him over dinner that despite our feeling overwhelmed, Jaggar was actually a pretty textbook baby. He’s not at all the spirited/grumpy/colicky baby I thought I’d get (these types run in my family, bless their fussy little hearts).

He’s logical. When he cries, there’s a reason. Figure it out and you can get him to stop crying. So, Johann started us out with our mental checklist – hungry, tired, dirty diaper, gas bubble – and we worked from there, solving the crying mystery and hitting on the culprit over 90% of the time. Somewhere between two and three weeks Jaggar developed a low grade bit of acid reflux that, combined with the fussiness the pediatrician said he’d experience until around 6 weeks, made for some interesting evenings of crying baby. But even these were deftly handled by my creative husband, a swaddling blanket and a bouncy chair which is truly remarkable to me considering how many parents I know have babies for whom nothing works to stop the crying. The baby gods have truly smiled on us and don’t think that I don’t know that because I very much do.

Nowadays, Jaggar is a joy – even more than he was before. Okay, I know, I’m not supposed to candy-coat things so I won’t. Truth be told: We haven’t got the least bit of a handle on the overnight sleeping situation. It’s almost a joke. We still have to put him to bed at night with a bottle of formula because my breast milk never came in en force like it seems to do for every other nursing woman on the planet (we theorize this is due, in part, to the c-section surgery and long recovery). So, even though it’s coming in better these days, it still does not begin to satiate Jaggar enough to get him to go to sleep in the evening. And then he still wakes up every three hours or less which I understand is normal for breastfed babies but is still crazy for me and Johann. We’ve reached several peaks of frustration over this but there seems no getting around it. Until he's older, we're sleeping in short increments whether we like it or not.

So, we have a baby that sleeps somewhat restlessly in his crib for three hours and then peacefully and soundly next to me for the rest of the night while he nurses every three hours and I get some semblance of sleep. The books say this should all get better from 4-6 months and don’t think we’re not looking forward to it. I do hope he will start sleeping more at some point before he goes off to college!!

Beyond this rather inconvenient sleeping arrangement, however, I will say again that Jaggar is a joy. Even his several “touchy” qualities are endearing. He’s a bit sensitive – especially sensitive to bright light (he has eyes that hate bright sunlight like my me and my mother) and noise, which he frequently startles and cries – so I do my best to expose him to these things in moderation so he can get used to them but slowly and on his terms. His touchiness, however, makes him very alert and aware. I know people with those sleepy babies who are always “good” and in a way I actually prefer Jaggar’s touchy-ness because he’s energetic, not lethargic. I think you know how a snoozy baby would bore me to tears after a while (at least after I was ridiculously well-rested anyway :P).

Jaggar loves to smile and coo and is on the verge of giggling. His hand-eye coordination is developing rapidly and he’s already starting to gain a bit of control over his hands to touch or move his toys a little. He can hold up his head fairly well and he’s tipping over on his right side so rolling over is definitely on his mind. It’s been amazing to see him develop from a little doll-like swaddled bun into a sentient being who can interact with us and is eagerly taking in the world around him. It’s so cool!

For the first time in my life, I’m following a schedule. That my child is the one who imposed this schedule upon me should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me. Ha! What can I say? I’ve always been ridiculously bored with routine so I tend to avoid it. However, Jaggar loves routine and since the focus of my life is keeping Jaggar happy, his sleep-eat-play-eat-sleep-and-repeat routine is now my life. Much to my relief, as of this week, his feedings are finally starting to space out from every hour and 45 minutes, which had been the norm since he was born, to more like three hours apart (hallelujah!). And yes, I realize how crazy that sounds. I’m still a total slave to the kid but my gratitude in life is now measured in minutes, not hours. I’m grateful to get those extra 75 minutes!

He’s also starting to spend time playing by himself with his play gym, etc. so it’s beginning to look like I *might* be able to figure out how to get back into the swing of my life now. Again, this is a huge relief since there are projects I’d love, and need, to work on (and a teensy bit of writing work that is coming my way next week). It is great to have Jaggar in a pattern that’s predictable enough to potentially give me small chunks of time to start working again. It’s going to be interesting, I’m sure. Babies seem to know when you need to go somewhere or must get something done and those are always the moments when they have their little meltdowns. I’m crossing my fingers that he lets me work a bit. We’ll see how it goes.

There’s a bunch of stuff I’ve left out, I’m sure, but since life has finally leveled off, I do hope to be back blogging now. Maybe I’ll get in here and write about some of the other interesting (and crazy and eye-opening) aspects of motherhood. And we haven’t even talked about my frightening post-baby body (eeeek!). That’s a whole other blog in itself!

Until then, I will say that I’m grateful I’ve survived this experience. It’s crazy to say but I wasn’t sure I would during those first couple of weeks. I still have moments of sheer frustration during a Jaggar crying jag (before I’ve used the checklist and figured out why he’s crying, of course :P) and there are days when I think my husband must seriously wonder if I’ve lost my mind. I totally have – hello! I had a baby and torpedoed my great life, didn’t I?! Clearly I'm nuts. But it’s okay. Jaggar’s the cutest baby ever and totally a keeper. I’ll just figure out how to salvage what’s left of my sanity and my thrashed life because I simply cannot live without the kid now. :)

And that’s the unvarnished truth. Motherhood is insane. I don’t recommend it for anyone who’s attached to their peaceful, calm and controlled life. Get a dog or something but don’t have a baby. Personally, though, I love it. It completely kicks ass. I’m glad I turned my “great” life completely upside down because it's even better now.

J.

39 Weeks: The Time Has Come!

Well, it's official: Doc says baby has dropped so labor is imminent. Could be a few days, could be a few hours but the time has finally come. Holy cow! Can you even believe it? I'm excited and nervous but really, more excited than anything else. That was my prevailing feeling at my doctor's appointment today. It's maybe the first time I've felt it this whole pregnancy - pure happiness and excitement. Mostly, this experience has been a mishmash of emotions and a lot of them have centered around apprehension and intimidation. But today, I'm just excited and I'm just going to "be" fully in that feeling. I'm overwhelmed and overcome but in a such good way!

This last week has been super productive and we've accomplished a ton of things. There was a lot of last minute baby shopping to do including getting a car set (can you say brinksmanship??!!), projects to complete (work and baby-related) and we're down to just the last few little things now that we'd like to get done but that won't be overly critical if we don't. It's a good place to be and a relief to finally feel like I've got things under reasonable control. We even have a pediatrician lined up which turned out to be a lot easier than I thought it would be. Don't know why I put that off so long but now it's done!

Anyway, I feel about as prepared as we can be now. I wish I had a couple more weeks to re-read the parenting books I read earlier on but it's okay. I have them for reference and surely they will keep me company during midnight feedings when I'm trying to figure out why they made so much sense to me during pregnancy and so little sense to me when baby finally showed up. Ha ha!

Of course, this last week of getting everything under the sun done and ready wouldn't have been complete without a little excitement. Saturday night my car, which was parked in front of our condo building, was hit and almost totaled in a dramatic motorcycle crash. I watched the aftermath from our window (I think the cyclist was okay but the paramedics did take him away strapped to a board) and when the damage to my car was assessed it took some creativity and used parts on the part of the body shop mechanic not to have it be a total loss so that's been a bit of a touch-and-go process. Meanwhile, we have a four door rental car and Johann's out there right now putting the car seat in it so we'll be ready to rock when labor starts. Still, you've got to laugh at how these last-minute dramas crop up. Of all the crazy timing! I'm just grateful I wasn't anywhere near the car when it all happened. Thank heavens for small miracles.

So, I think this may be it for the pregnancy blog. People have asked if I'll continue blogging after baby is born and I said I would if there's interest in hearing about life with baby so you all will have to tell me if there is. You know I would still be offering my frank opinions so no candy-coating on the realities of parenting. You decide if you can hack it. :P Still, it might be intriguing to have a record of baby's life and all the things that come along with it. So, we'll see what I decide to do. I still have to figure out how to breastfeed and survive on two hours' sleep first!

Name, gender and, of course, birthdate will be forthcoming so stay tuned to your cell phones, email and Facebook. And wish me luck in the delivery room. I can use all the good "push" thoughts you can send me!

Love,
J.

Week 38: Done with Work and Still Knocked Up

As luck would have it, I’ve made it all the way to Week 38 with baby still safely in-utero. I say that since a lot of the women in my family, of course, deliver a bit early. Man, I have needed this time, though. Work took me an extra day to wrap up (Monday instead of Friday) and I’ve still got two projects to complete by the end of this week before I can officially say that work, of all varieties, is finished. However, the big obstacle – work at the office – is done. My replacement, Shauna, is awesome and if she takes all the training and advice I gave her and combines it with her talent, intelligence and interest, she’ll do that job better than I ever could have. And that's what I wanted all along - to leave the company better than I found it. I think I've accomplished that goal.

By Friday I was beyond tired, though, I have to say. I was almost dreading the Bringing Baby Home workshop Johann and I signed up for over the weekend – eight hours on Saturday and then eight more on Sunday. I was so beat. But, this being the last and most intensive of our pre-parent training, I found the will and went and I’m glad I did. Unlike the other classes we’ve taken that have been more in the practical realm of training and preparedness, this class was about nurturing our marriage and this new child we’re bringing into our lives. I’ve always thought that Johann and I had a wonderful relationship – and especially, a friendship that is the most treasured of my whole life – but even we had things we needed to work on. So, this workshop was both a reinforcement and an eye-opener and definitely one of the most valuable 16 hour blocks of time we’ve ever spent together. We have a lot to offer our baby but the one thing I wanted to give him or her more than anything else was parents with a harmonious relationship. Now I feel that we have the tools to really do that and do it well. I’m so grateful we went.

My doctor’s appointment this week was the usual upbeat and fun experience that Dr. Kurachi makes it. I really do think she’s the perfect doctor for us. Isn’t it funny how losing my other two doctors got me to just the right one? Anyway, as usual, we laughed our way through this appointment and reveled in hearing baby’s slightly increased heart rate (160) due to the spicy lunch I had before the appointment. So funny to think that a little Tapatio got my little chalupa’s heart going so much! Baby’s head is lower in my pelvis than ever but my cervix still isn’t budging so no dilation yet. Dr. Kurachi isn’t worried, though. As long as the head is dropping, that’s the most important thing. She’ll check me again next week and see where I’m at. Perhaps, by that point, I will have “dropped” (where the baby gets super-low in the pelvis and labor is imminent) and things will really be ready for D-Day. It’s exciting to think that it could be anytime now!

Meanwhile, we have our official tour of the childbirth center this Thursday and our hospital bag is 2/3 of the way packed so we’re on our way to being 100% prepared to at least go to the hospital. Heaven help me, I still need to find a pediatrician. I’m starting to think this chore is the new bane of my existence and I HAVE to have one when we show up at the hospital. So, as soon as work projects wrap up this week, I’ve got to get someone on board to take care of baby. Otherwise those nurses who check us in at the hosptial when I’m in labor are going to give me “the look” of "you're busted!" and I don’t want that look!!

Overall, it’s nice to be on my couch right now with my feet up on a pillow. It’s nice to only have a bit more to do to be ready for baby. We’re getting our car seat this weekend and I’m especially tickled to get to take all the clothes we received at the shower and wash and put them away in baby’s dresser. I’m almost even a little misty-eyed about it, actually. I know I have a huge baby belly which should really say "reality" to me but it’s still amazing and mind-boggling to me that a little person is going to come out of there in a few days and I’m going to love it so much I won’t even know what to do with myself.

As I always say, it’s wild. I never seem to get over that feeling.

J.

Week 36 and 37: The Shower and the Launch Position

Our big OB appointment went well. I kept expecting that the doctor would have some objections to the things we had in our birth plan but I think between her open-mindedness and our reasonable expectations, there really wasn’t anything in the plan to edit when all was said and done. Of course, just because we would like things to go a certain way doesn’t mean they will. There are so many variables on D-Day that can change that a birth plan, no matter how well-thought, is really just a set of guidelines for the best case scenario. Should anything interesting happen, we basically just said we want to be part of any and all medical decisions and want all the information to make the choice that’s right for us. The rest, as they say, is details. When the big day comes, we'll really just have to see what happens but at least we've left almost all options open and that's the best way I think we could go.

Overall, baby is doing great and so am I. I only put on 2 lbs this last two weeks which is a relief since at this point everyone said I’d be packing on the pounds and at the weight I’m at, that’s just not a desirable thing. Baby could live off my current store of body fat for three months, I’m sure – no need to put on a bunch more! Anyway, baby’s heart rate was in its normal range (150), my blood pressure was down in the 106/67 range (my normal range) and baby’s head has officially assumed the “Launch Position”. Well, that’s what I’m calling it anyway. My cervix was 25% effaced (so, 75% of the cervix still needs to thin before baby can come out) so progress is being made. No cervical dilation yet so doc says baby’s still on track for my due date. Considering all that I still need to accomplish before birth, though, that’s reassuring, though. I need all the time I can get!

Our baby shower on the 2nd was super fun. The co-ed affair was great – wish there were more showers where dads could attend and feel so comfortable. It was delightful to see all the family and friends who were able to come and overall, I just felt so happy to be there celebrating this little person who will be coming into a community of people who are eager and ready to love him/her. It was really neat.

We were overwhelmed a bit at the generosity of gift-giving – it was about three Christmases in one, I’d say – so I’ve got a ton of thank you cards to write now. It’s helped us be a lot more prepared for the baby and that has really been wonderful. All we need is a car seat and a swing now and baby is set. Oh, and I guess we need to figure out how to take care of baby although with all those books and classes we’ve taken you’d think we’d know by now. Ha ha! I’ll tell you, that’s just one gift nobody could wrap up and give us (even if we did receive a humorous if not informative book called Baby: The Owner’s Manual). It’s the one thing we’ll have to learn all on our own. But that’s all part of the fun, right?

This week is all about training my replacement at work now and getting out of there on Friday. I’ve worked a dizzying number of hours already in anticipation of leaving work (so much to wrap up, so little time to do it!) and I know this week will feel like the longest week ever since I’m already tired going into it. The payoff, though, will be worth it. And of course, it will be strange to leave a job and go home to wait for my life to change. Complicated as my work situation always was, I knew how to handle it day in and day out. This new life with baby is coming with a huge learning curve and takes me right out of my comfort zone. I wonder if I’ll look back at work nostalgically and think THAT was the easy part of life. Should be interesting. :)

J.

Week 35: Birth Plan, the Gender Debate and Moms to the Rescue

My last doctor visit a week and a half ago went well. Baby’s heart rate was 145 so essentially continuing to stay in its normal range. I learned that a woman’s baby belly should measure roughly in centimeters what week she’s at gestationally. So, being at 34 cm as I was, was in fact, perfect. My blood pressure, despite several trying weeks of crazy work and other situations, was at my pre-pregnancy norm of 110/72. Can’t complain about that. Next time I go in I’ll be tested for Group B strep virus which they’ll treat with antibiotics during labor if I have it. Hopefully, though, I won’t. One less tube stuck into me at the hospital on D-Day would be nice.

New complaints have cropped up since my doctor’s visit, though, most especially round ligament pain in my left side (pelvis). With baby being about 5 lbs at this point, it’s just natural that it’s going to exert pressure and weight on my uterus and the ligaments are stretched to the hilt trying to stabilize it. The result is a fantastic quality of pain on my left side when I roll over in bed at night or sleep in anything but the “perfect” position. From what I’ve read online this is completely normal and many women experience it, especially those who are on their feet a lot. I’ve been on my feet, bending and moving things at work this week (not heavy things but things that still needed to be picked up) so Tuesday night after all that activity was particularly excruciating. I’m going to discuss this all with my doc when I see her this coming Tuesday but really, I’ll bet she says it’s just par for the course. I think I just have to go with the flow of having four more weeks of this…and trying to not overdo things AND sleep in just the right position at night. I keep reminding myself when I yelp out in pain that this will be worth it in the end. So far, I’m still convinced it will be. :)

That upcoming appointment with Dr. Kurachi on Tuesday is our big “OB Talk” which loosely translated means the time when Johann and I discuss our birth plan with her. Much to my dismay, a birth plan cannot just be, “Knock me out and pull out the baby. Wake me up when it’s over.” I get the distinct feeling that I will be expected to go through the process of labor pains and push when the time comes. Dangit! :) And, as I’ve learned, I come from a long and storied tradition of women on both sides of my family doing just that, mostly without drugs. Most of the women who are mothers in my family never even went in for as much as an epidural, let alone a c-section. Probably this should boost my confidence. I just read my cousin Stefanie’s story of her baby’s birth (again, no drugs) and for all the pain, she seemed to endure it amazingly well. Genetically, it all looks like I should be able to do this like a champ.

But just in case…I will have that clause in the birth plan to hit me with the epidural at 5 cm dilation if the pain is at epic proportions. After feeling my incredible ligament pain this week, I realize that my belief that I have a fairly low pain threshold seems to be more fact than fiction. I have no desire to be an over-achiever. Nobody’s down there at the hospital handing out gold medals to the mothers who deliver naturally and without a stitch of meds so there’s no point in trying to be a hero. My goal is to get the baby out, period. However that can be accomplished is how it should go. It’ll be crazy. It’ll be intense. But it’ll be okay no matter how it happens.

Now, how to write THAT into a birth plan…

As we close in on the last four weeks of baby-baking, the gender debate continues to rage amongst the family and friends. The Girl Camp, which used to be a tiny vocal minority, has gained much in the way of numbers the past few months and essentially rivals the Boy Camp in size now. In other words, there’s absolutely no consensus and no one really has any idea what gender the baby is. Ha! But seriously, I think Johann might be at the point where he’s being driven a little crazy by it all. No doubt the suspense is killing him – hell, it’s pretty much killing me and I LOVE suspense – but I think he’s probably heard about one zillion too many opinions without anyone really knowing what they’re talking about. I, on the other hand, still find it amusing. People are always so sure of their belief in one gender or another as if it’s somehow the unquestionable truth. It cracks me up.

Finally, in an announcement which makes me only too happy to make, both Johann’s mom and my step-mom Cathy will be coming, at different times, to help us out with baby post-birth. The relief I feel over knowing that we will have their support makes me cry. Yeah, yeah, I know – it’s the pregnancy hormones. But seriously, it means the world to me to know they’d take time of their lives to come help us with baby and laundry and even just getting dinner on the table. I feel like I’m working with a safety net now; like when things don’t go perfectly or I’m just frazzled, there will be a mom who’s been there to give some support and words of wisdom. I know Johann will also feel better about going back to work knowing I’ll have a mom there to help me get started with baby on my own. We’re both so grateful and so relieved.

It makes me laugh to think that for as tough and weathered as I am, all it takes is a little baby to intimidate me. It’s crazy! But it’s reality. So, thank you moms for making the time to come and help. You are amazing and we love you and I know baby will love spending these first few days and weeks with you. It’s going to be so wonderful and all because of you. :)

So, we’ve got our big OB appointment on Tuesday and after that I’ll schedule our hospital tour so we'll know what we’re doing when the big moment happens and we have to get to the hospital ASAP. The shower’s next Saturday. My last day of work is the following Friday. Our last set of parenting classes is the weekend of the 9th and 10th. And then, as my husband has requested, I put my feet up and just wait, I guess.

That is if I ever get the 25 things left on my to-do list done…

J.

Weeks 33 and 34

First off, y'all probably want to hear about NYC so I'll start with that.

Our "babymoon" trip was a great one and I'm so glad we went. It's frustrating to be so physically limited, though, because no matter how dilligently I set a "reasonable" sightseeing agenda, I so wanted to see everything and there was just no way my feet, ankles and tummy were going to let that happen - at least not pain-free. We did tons of things, though - a Circle Line Cruise around Manhattan, a Broadway show, the Statue of Liberty/Ellis Island, MoMA and various fabulous lunches and dinners including killer Korean BBQ, drinks at the Oak Room in the Plaza Hotel and dinner for restaurant week at the famous Le Cirque.

So, I didn't miss out on a thing. We even took a side trip to Hoboken, NJ and saw Carlo's, the famous "Cake Boss" bakery and had a fun Cuban dinner whilst there. I was suffering throughout the trip - from the puffiest ankles anyone has ever seen - but not from lack of getting to see and experience wonderful things. I feel so lucky that we got to have this great trip. It makes me sincerely miss our world travels and long for being on the road. I guess I can't help it; I'm a traveler at heart. And New York is such an amazing place. No matter how many times I go there I know there is always more to see next time. I hope we'll get back there someday soon. Until then, I'm just going to be impressed with myself that for eight months along, I did as much as I did. Go pregnant me!

As for me, physically, everything was great when I went to the doctor before I left. (I'm due back to see her on Tuesday since I'm on the every two weeks regimen now.) Baby's heart rate is still up in the 150s which is perfect, my tummy measures well and my blood pressure was 122/70 so even that was fine (considering the stressful day I was having that day, it's almost a miracle!). Baby has been head-down for the second visit in a row (I think it's been at least six weeks that way, though, from where I've been feeling kicking ). So, fingers crossed, baby will stay that way and will hopefully also be facing toward my back so delivery will be as easy as possible...as if any delivery is easy. Ha! Anyway, doc says everything looks good and she hasn't even commented on what a whale I am as I'm up a good 35 lbs now. And yes, just typing that makes me faint especially considering I'm likely to put on another 10 before baby shows up. Yeesh!

Grateful that all things with baby are going wonderfully, I will admit that I'm finally to that phase of the pregnancy where some level of discomfort is a part of daily life. I'd had the occasional experience of this leading up to now - some aches here, some pains there - and really, the experience of being pregnant is an uncomfortable one overall so it's hard to avoid feeling not quite right in your skin no matter what phase you're in. I had a pregnancy massage a few weeks ago and man, you just don't realize how "unhappy" your body is in this state until you experience something that makes it "happy". That was a real eye-opener. Pregnancy is rough!

Anyway, now it's really the feeling of being "full up" with baby that's a daily discomfort. I am incredibly grateful, after hearing stories of girlfriends with bruised and battered bladders or cracked ribs from active, kicking babies that I can really only complain of feeling some gingerly kicking feet in my ribs from time to time and a head that likes to use my bladder as a pillow. I'm not in pain at all - but I do feel like I am going to be relieved when I don't have to share my space with a little someone who's likely feeling the pinch of the shrinking real estate him/herself, too. There's only so much body frame for us to share and space is coming at a premium now.

I have also been working with my doctor on a separate issue - RLS. It's something I experienced maybe three or four times pre-pregnancy and nothing that a little getting up and stretching or having a little snack couldn't resolve. But, as the doc says, with the pregnancy hormones likely playing a big part, the twitching in my legs has become a nightly thing after I lay down. She gave me some meds (oxycontin of all things which is apparently decidedly safer than even taking an ibuprofen - who knew?) which a fellow OB/GYN of hers took when she was pregnant and had RLS and they work blessedly well. Those twitchy nerves calm down within an hour and I can get to sleep which is great. The doctor says any small risk associated with taking such medicine right now is far outweighed by the benefits of me getting adequate sleep. She says she wants me rested for labor and delivery and that's her #1 priority. So, I've got my marching orders now...or rather, sleeping orders and I'm on it. Rest up. That I can do. :)

Beyond that, I am assailed multiple times daily by heartburn, which most pregnant women complain about and man, they do because it's a valid complaint. It sucks, completely. I somehow even managed to aspirate a bit of it into my windpipe one night on the trip and had a wild gagging/coughing fit that almost made me throw up. It was crazy and weird and like nothing I've ever experienced before. Meanwhile, no antacid known to man will touch the stuff so I tend to resort to eating yogurt and such things to try to cool it down which, thankfully, usually provides some relief. But when you've got a baby squishing your stomach, you're going to have acid reflux and this is just life. Thankfully, we're at the end now and I don't have to go too much longer before my stomach can go back to occupying its usual space. Whew!

Invites went out for our shower this week and I'm SO excited! Is it silly to be this jazzed over a party for baby stuff? Well, I am. It's like I'm a kid and it's Christmas and it's super fun. And it's a co-ed shower to boot so Johann and his guys get to be there which makes me happy (and him, too). Those fussy all-girl affairs seem to me to be so needlessly exclusive. Dads are involved these days; they're right there with us as the whole pregancy, birth and beyond happen. So, it's about time we started having them at the shower and making it the kind of party that's fun to be at. So, as the girls put it, it'll be a cocktail soiree with tasty noshes and baby gifts. Just how I like my parties - simple, delish and fabulous. It's going to be such a blast!

Well, I can't believe I'm saying it but there's only six weeks left, give or take a few days. That seems like a ridiculously short amount of time to prepare, I have to say. But all projects are in the works so at least most of the important things have a pretty good shot at getting done pre-baby. Even the interview process to replace me at work is going well. I'm calling people tomorrow to schedule interviews, the first round of which I'm doing personally. It's a bit nerve-wracking, knowing that I'm leaving quite a bit of chaos to a new person but I'm glad the time has finally come to do so. It's going to be exciting to turn over this new leaf in my life and live from a whole new point of view, mothering this incredible and intriguing little person who's about to come into the world. Makes the chaos of work life almost seem a little boring by comparison. ;)

And maybe, just maybe, by the time baby comes, we'll have picked a name for him/her off our epic list of names. Cross your fingers....

J.