The 10 Month Catch-Up

Yes, I've been remiss at keeping this blog up to date. Guilty as charged. I am a bad blogger. Fret ye not, however. I've been doing my best to be a good mother and that should count for something.

Jaggar and I have been having a great time for the last five months which has gone decidedly easier than the first five months and what a relief that is!

First off, we started sleep training using the Sleep Easy Solution back on May 5th. Within 2-3 nights he was sleeping like a champ including naps. I seriously can't recommend that system highly enough. It involved minimal crying (I cannot bear to hear my baby cry all by himself in bed) and maximized things like routines which Jaggar responds really well to. Granted, there is the occasional night when, for whatever reason, he wakes up, and we have to go in and rock him back to sleep. But thankfully, the vast majority of nights, he sleeps for 11-12 hours without a peep. It's so awesome I wish I could have comforted myself back at the 3 month mark with the knowledge that only a couple of months later this would be my future. I would have had a glass of wine and quit my bitching on the spot!

Jaggar is doing excellent health-wise. He's at about 21-22 lbs and almost 30 inches long with a very large head. He's in the 75-95% for height and weight and 95% for head. A very big boy! We have no idea if this is any indicator of future weight or height/stature but for now, he's at the head of his class. :)

I was glad that he was scoring so highly in the growth department considering that my breast milk essentially gave up the ghost the first week of August. I just was never that great of a milk producer but as my body's hormones returned to their more normal state, the breastmilk supply went from paultry to nil. Thank heavens we've always had formula at the ready. He transitioned to full formula feeding so seamlessly you'd have never thought he ever breast-fed at all. I was a little sad not to be missed! I spent a couple days feeling like a breast feeding failure after that. It's funny how your mind changes about things once you're in the thick of them. At the beginning I thought I'd barely hang in there six months. By six months I was totally ready to go to one year and even beyond. But fate had other plans. Now, I'm just grateful I made it to nine months. It was the very best I could do with a frustratingly low milk supply so I hung in there as long as I possibly could.

In addition to being an all-formula kiddo now, Jaggar also eats solid food like it's going out of style and many people (whose babies must not each much!) have commented on his generous appettite. Hey, what can I say? The kid can put away food. He eats everything we put in front of him and adds new foods to his repertoire almost daily. His favorites right now are little cubes of cheese, bananas, peaches, peas, corn and little nibbles of bread. He's almost completely "over" being fed by a spoon (he routinely slaps the spoon out of my hand which is just as maddening as you'd think it would be) though, so nearly gone are the days of baby cereal and pureed meals. I have about a week's worth of pureed meat, veggies and fruit left in the freezer so as soon as we're done feeding him those, he'll essentially be on his own to hand-deliver his own food to his mouth. He prefers it that way, though. He's having a grand time with his finger foods.

Back at the end of May he learned to sit up. That was around the time he also started spontaneously clapping. Totally cute. I used to reinforce this behavior with the phrase "Good job!" so now I think he thinks that's his cue to clap since whenever I say it now, like when he finishes a meal, he claps. Hilarious. He's a champion log-roller as well and just figured out two days ago how to get from the laying to the sitting up position. Considering his other strides in the milestone department, that's sort of been a delayed one. I've noticed that he tends to jump around a bit in his development and doesn't necessarily do things in order. But he develops nonetheless and seems to be very creative in bridging the gaps between where he is and where he wants to go. He definitely gets that from his Papa! :)

Anyway, he cut his first tooth - well, both bottom teeth - on June 6th while we were visiting my parents in California. He started doing a sort of "army crawl" tummy crawl early in August which was quickly followed by the sit-up crawl that he does now where one leg is behind and one leg is stuck in front and he pulls himself along with his hands/arms. It's odd-looking but I'm amazed at how quickly he can get around that way. When he hears music now he often rocks back and forth (and sometimes claps, too) which is so adorable I almost can't deal. So sweet. He babbles up a storm now, too. His "words" so far are "ba ba", "ga ga", "goo goo", "da da" and "wa wa". He was calling us both "ga ga" a few days ago, especially when we'd be gone for a period of time and come back into the room. But maybe that's just more of a "word of the day" thing since yesterday it was all "goo goo" and this morning he's been on a "da da" kick. Regardless, it's fun and we have a good time with our little chatterbox. Can't wait until he starts saying things that really mean something (like "Mama" :P).

He first pulled himself up to standing while holding onto the coffee table about two weeks ago. Now, he's officially a "cruiser", pulling up to standing while holding onto something and then working his way "walking" around the room. It's his new favorite thing. Also his new favorite thing is to find the cat and grab his tail which is especially fun when the cat is stationary, such as when he's eating. Then when the cat is finished eating I have to swoop in and grab Jaggar to keep him from getting his little mitts in the cat food bowl. Ick!

Needless to say, this weekend is now the official hard-core baby proofing weekend. We'd done some preliminary baby proofing a while back (padding the coffee table and whatnot) but this weekend we're acquiring baby gates and latches for all the cabinets. If I didn't spend all day every day on him like a duck on a June bug we'd have likely had to get these things sooner but now that he's completely mobile, even I can't keep ahead of him anymore.

And woe to the cat. It's not that Merlyn doesn't like him. He's actually quite tolerant of him touching his fur which is sort of amazing for a cranky, 15 year-old feline who was unseated as the "baby" a year ago. But Jaggar just really loves his tail and that's any cat's holiest of holies. So, more than one strained "meeeeeooooowww" has been omitted when Jag's gotten hold of the tail-end. Thus the handwriting's on the wall and just like when the little guy's fallen a bit hard on his butt because he lost his grip standing, pain will likely have to ensue before he learns not to tangle with kitty, too. Hopefully they will come to some sort of understanding without a lot of bloodshed. Otherwise it's going to look a bit like trench warfare around here keeping them on opposite sides of the baby gates!

As for Johann and I, we've continued to hang in there. Heaven knows life hasn't been easy, with baby, of course, and with things like my painful ovarian cysts making an unwelcome comeback. (Ugh!) There have been plenty of days when I've been a grouch-a-saurus for sure and it's just my exceptionally good luck that I'm married to a very patient man.

As for life with baby, we continue, as always, to try to roll with the punches. We do our best to appreciate the magic milestone moments. We catch the adorable moments on camera - like baby's first dip in his kiddie pool - and laugh off the crazy moments, like the night poop leaked out of Jag's diaper and he kicked it all over the bottom of his exersaucer. (What a stink that was!)

Meanwhile, I've continually been in the process of eliminating things and situations from my life that have been sapping my time and energy. It's been challenging for really the first time to say "no" to people and absolutely mean it. I've received some flack and pushback and certainly a bit of guilt-tripping. But life is what it is and priorities shift and I'm learning that saying "no" is actually not the end of the world. It is, in fact, the beginning of a whole new life. Everyone asks me if I'm going back to work and gradually, I'm figuring out a plan to get back to writing, yes. When I quit my job last year that was the end of my working outside the home, though. I guess that's strange in this day and age that a woman isn't headed back to work after a baby, especially a woman like me. Honestly, though, the two most fulfilling careers I've ever had are my writing and being a mother and both of them can best be accomplished at home. So, as long as my kiddo wants me around, I wouldn't be anywhere else except right here with him. :)

This is not to say that I haven't been going a little stir crazy jonesing to travel again becuase I totally have. Johann and I have been kicking the idea around of going on vacation with the small fry. Yes, most people think we're mad but I'm determined that this can work. We're not the only people to ever take a one year old on an airplane and live so I think this is do-able if we can just figure out the logistics. (Like keeping copious amounts of snacks on hand and letting him walk around the plane when possible.) Family-friendly trips are a bit limited in terms of location, however, and I'm loathe to go anywhere with "Disney" in the title. (Though someday soon we will get to Disneyland with Jag's CA grandparents and that will be awesome.) This was when I came up with Hawaii. I've been a couple of times and I love it there. It's as kick-back as it can be so it's perfect for a family trip. For once Johann didn't give me the "There's no way you're getting me to go somewhere hot and tropical" look and, in fact, gave me the "green-light" to present him with pricing and options. Woohoo! So, we're tentatively looking at November. It's cheaper than Europe so already Johann's liking the idea AND the place is rife with photo ops so his camera will certainly get a healthy workout. Score and score!

And finally, we're knee-deep in the planning stages of Jaggar's first birthday bash. Yes, we are THOSE people who are going all-out for our kid's first birthday even though he'll not only not have any appreciation for what's going on but he'll also never remember any of it. Whatever! We're still going to have a blast and it's really the first, last and only birthday he'll have where the adults can drink cocktails, right? After this it's those infernal/insane all-kid parties that give you the kind of headache that even a fistfull of Tylenol 3's chased with 43 proof gin couldn't cut. Holy hell! So, we're living it up for this one and inviting all our favorite people. My parents are even flying up for the occasion. It's going to be fab!

So, that's our last five months in a nutshell. Every day hasn't been nirvana, I'm sorry to say. There are times when I still think life would be SO much easier if I didn't have a little "mini-me" in tow. But whatever. Life is a lot more interesting this way. Sure, people give us those looks of fear and horror when we get on airplanes with the kiddo now and he likes to get halfway through any grocery shopping trip and have a mini-meltdown in the pasta aisle but c'est la vie. He's adorable and he's charming (he gets it from moi) and we're stuck with him now anyway so it's a good thing we really like him. Ha! But seriously, he's my sidekick...my poopy, drooly, messy-haired sidekick and I love him to pieces. Best. Kid. Ever.

J.

Rolling: The Update

It seems that Jaggar must read my mind and know when I'm writing blogs about the things he's 'not' doing because within a day or two of each one, he seems to kick into gear and suddenly do that thing. Small boy cracks me up... :P

Anyway, as of yesterday, Jaggar is officially a roller. He rolled tum to back twice in a row during tummy time and then did the same thing - two rolls - again today. He giggles and smiles and squeals when he does it, too (probably it helps that he sees me all excited about it but I like to think that rolling is great fun for him) which is completely the cutest thing ever!

Again, Johann hasn't witnessed it yet despite my encouragement for him to put Jag on his tum so he can show Papa his "tricks". But soon I know he'll show his dad what a big boy he his. Until then, I'll just enjoy my private little "floor show". It's so amazing to see him developing! :)

J.

On the Roll and the 4 3/4 Mo. Check Up

It's been an eventful few weeks which has included a magical roll-over moment by Mr. Jaggar himself. I could hardly believe it when it happened but about two weeks ago he was having tummy time on his play gym mat and poof! He rolled from his tummy onto his back. Of course, he hasn't done it again since (!) so maybe Johann doesn't believe me but it happened, I swear! It was so thrilling I even had to report it on Facebook. It's amazing the things you get excited about when you're a parent but it really was such a cool thing.

Now, he seems to be fixing on rolling over the other way - back to tum. He threatens to do it just about every time we put him down on his play mat and Johann has run for the camera half a dozen times to catch the moment when it happens. But the little man is keeping us in suspense and no roll has been witnessesed - or documented - yet. We know we'll see it soon, though.

After fretting like only a new, inexperienced mother does over every little milestone, Jaggar's check in with the pediatrician yesterday made all that concern seem silly. He's doing really well and is measuring now, head to toe, in the 75th to 90th percentile for height, weight and head circumfrence. At his two month check up, his weight was good, head was huge (95th percentile) and body was short. So, it seems he's become a lot more proportional these days. Probably, I should have never doubted this but I can't help be relieved that his head is measuring in a little smaller category (was worried he might be getting into the zone for encephalitis) and that he's getting a little taller, too. I was surprised that he weighs as much as he does (my back isn't surprised - no wonder he's about to throw it out at 16.2 lbs now!). Can't believe he's more than double his birthweight now!

Dr. Eldred is impressed that he's vocalizing as much as he is, too, so of course I take this to mean the child is a genius and will grow up to be an accomplished public speaker. Ha! But seriously, she thought it was a good sign that he's already so "verbal" so his little brain is really working away in there. Also, she thinks he's very strong for his age since he can do a full push up when he's on his tummy so obviously he will be an Olympic athlete as well. LOL!

Thankfully, there's nothing left for me to be concerned about. The kid's a perfect little butterball according to Dr. Eldred and she says we can even start him on solids now if we want to. It's crazy to think my little, tiny baby is ready to sit up in a high chair and eat real human food! She says to start with rice cereal so I will be buying my first box of it at the grocery store tomorrow. I'm excited and yet apprehensive at the same time - once he starts eating, I guess that means he's really growing up. I never thought I'd be one of those mothers who was sad that her baby wasn't a baby anymore but I think I probably will be one of them after all. For having lived every single second he's been in this world for the last almost five months (and having been awake for a disproportionate amount of it!), I still wonder where the time has gone...and I wish I could have a few minutes of it back.

Speaking of being awake, we are having less of it these days. Woohoo! Somehow the sleep fairy has come to our house, waved her magic wand and made our baby sleep 5 to 6 hours for the first stretch of sleep each night. Man, it's just so awesome! Of course, that stretch typically starts at around 9:00 and I don't typically get myself to sleep until closer to 12:00 so I really only get two to three hours of sleep before he wakes up and comes in with me to nurse, but I am still filled with hope that this is an indicator that someday he will sleep through the night. Yay! We still have to see how teething goes, of course, but overall, his body seems to be getting the hang of sleeping longer and that's encouraging!

One thing, of course, is that we haven't unswaddled him at night yet since we've been trying this long just to get as much sleep out of him as we possibly can. He sleeps for naps with his arms out but those are typically in his swing and typically only last 30 minutes to 2 hours max. The last few nights he's been wiggling his arms out of the swaddle which makes me think he may be trying to tell us that he's ready to start sleeping without one. I just worry that we may see a backslide in sleeping if those little hands are able to get out and touch his face like they so like to do. That wakes him up almost instantly and I'm NOT looking forward to that! So, we shall see how the next few weeks and the swaddle struggle goes.

Meanwhile, things here at home are going well. I did have a bout of the common cold last week that really knocked me on my butt however (Johann even had to stay home to take care of the baby on Wednesday because I had a fever and everything) I almost have to be grateful it happened because it gave me an excuse to catch up on 4+ months of poor sleep. I haven't felt this rested since Jaggar was born and it's such a relief. We also got to go on a date for Valentine's Day which was really fun and even involved cocktails. Woo! It's amazing the things you appreciate when you don't get to have them very often!

All in all, life is good right now and I'm grateful!

J.

Four Fab Months

As of tomorrow, Jaggar will be four months old. And so it's been four months since our lives turned upside down and we started living every moment trying to figure out and cater to one very small, adorable and amusing little dictator. :P But seriously, Jaggar continues to be the most fun baby and my awesome little buddy. We are having such a great time together.

In the past many weeks, Jaggar has started laughing, spitting/blowing raspberries, cooing, gooing, squealing and even making noises that make me think he's trying to "sing". It's hilarious and thoroughly entertaining. He's incredibly loud but this, like his cry, is a product of having me for a mother. What can I say? I come from a loud, vocal family! But at least most of Jaggar's noises are the joyful variety. And this is good because literally from the moment he wakes up in the morning (laying next to me, of course) he's cooing, gooing, chatting and raspberry-ing. He's completely silly and adorable.

The sleep situation continues to be a two steps forward, one step back proposition. No, we still haven't figured out what will make him sleep a good, long time other than just waiting for him to get bigger. Having said that, he's started sleeping longer - his first stretch of the night goes for about five hours. He still often wakes during that time, though, and we have to rock him back to sleep or feed him a little bit more if he fell asleep in the middle of the bottle we gave him to get him into bed in the first place. Yes, it's a bit of a chore, this bedtime with baby thing. But slowly, he does seem to be going a little longer. It's not that 8, 10 or 12 hour stretch that everyone else with a baby seems to get but at this point, I'll definitely take what I can get. I'm not picky; I'm just grateful.

These days Jaggar is extremely aware and notices lots of things he was never really interested in before. This is great, of course, since I can see his little brain working and recognizing things and being curious. This is bad, of course, because it's really challenging to get him to focus on things like breastfeeding when his toys or the t.v. or even the sound of Papa's voice are SO interesting. He's feeding a lot more efficiently these days, which is nice, so feedings don't take nearly as long (and are spacing out to almost 4 hours apart now) but sometimes it's like herding cats to get him to focus - and re-focus and re-focus and re-focus - on feeding. I'm definitely glad he's not one of those sleepy, boring babies, as I've said before, but his awareness does present its challenges. I suspect, though, that this is only the beginning of the challenges his keen awareness will bring. :)

After bragging (well, at least to myself) that Jaggar is the smartest, brightest, most aware little guy, I realized the other day, reading one of those baby website emails that I get, that he has missed a milestone. Apparently he's supposed to be able to roll over from his stomach to his back by now. Hmmm... Well, he hates being on his stomach. "Tummy Time" each day is definitely a forced proposition. Much as I feel awful that maybe he's not developing ideally or on schedule, the little guy is probably going to have to come along at his own pace on this one. I have shown him many times how to roll over from his tummy to his back but I know he's not going to do it until he's darn good and ready. And maybe, just maybe, I need to stop being one of those paranoid mothers who wigs out over milestones. Maybe I just need to go with the flow...

Really, that's what I do most days. Jaggar and I are in a pretty good groove right now. I'm able to shower during the mornings now, bathe him by myself and generally do all of the things I need to do with him mostly without Johann's help. Johann is, of course, always super helpful but it's a nice feeling of accomplishment to take over the whole job myself during the day and be a success at it. That and it's nice to not have to wait until he's here to get a shower in. I'd grown pretty tired of being stinky!

Baby boy is due for his four month appointment at the doctor's on February 28th. I suspect he's going to tip the scales at significantly over 14 lbs since he's outgrowing his clothing at a rapid pace and getting as plump as a Christmas turkey. The kid has definitely not missed any meals and while he started out as a "skinny-mini" he's starting to get that chubby baby fat I've been aiming for all along. Chubby Mission: Accomplished. :)

As for Johann and I, we managed to get out for a date back in January - we went to the movies and then to one of our favorite Tapas places - so it was nice to feel like we still sort of have a life and a relationship outside baby. We're due for another date sometime this week which I'm, of course, happily looking forward to. Jaggar's starting into the "stranger danger" phase I think so I'm not sure how long we'll get away with leaving him with someone and having him be okay but we'll push our luck until it changes. Much as I adore the little guy and much as my brain and body feel "odd" without him with me, I really do crave those few hours away even if sometimes I spend them at the grocery store!

Well, that's all the good stuff that's going on right now. We're looking forward to a visit from my father and brother here soon so Jaggar will finally get to meet his Granddad and Uncle. Can't wait! Otherwise, the little guy's getting bigger, getting even more cute, is checking out the world around him and hopefully is learning to sleep longer through the night. And, on his own timetable, he will roll over. I just know he will. :)

J.

The First Three Months

I fully admit that I’ve been remiss in writing in my blog. Life with a new baby is hectic and I’ve resolved not to make apologies for not keeping up with outside responsibilities. Being a mom is a HUGE life change and, as y’all know, I’m always honest in this blog about how life is – no candy coating. While some women seem to take to a life of “mommy-dom” like a proverbial duck to water, for me, it’s been a massive, crazy adjustment.

In the end, though – and by “the end” I mean, three months in now – I can say that while I may have been overwhelmed at the start, and I find I’m still overwhelmed by a general lack of sleep (and memory and maybe even a bit of sanity), I am most certainly also overwhelmed by my love for this little man whose come into my life to fill my days with smiles, inquisitiveness and poopy diapers.

Perhaps that’s where I should start – the fact that I had a baby boy. Who knew? Oh, wait. About two dozen people! Well, everyone had a 50/50 chance of getting the gender correct, I suppose, but if you know the Gomez family then you know that the chance of getting a boy was more like 90% since boys are simply what they make. So, I wasn’t surprised in the delivery room when they said it was a boy. It was still surreal, mind you, but even leaving for the hospital in labor I did sort of have this intuition that it was going to be a boy. And it’s hard to argue with intuition.

Labor, labor, labor…I’d regale you all with the story but it’s just too crazy for me to even want to tell for what would be the zillionth time now. Suffice it to say, after 28 hours of labor, four rounds of painkillers (including two rounds of epidural), a cervix that pretty much never wanted to dilate despite contractions that came one on top of the other and less than one minute apart, a fever (for me) and fetal distress (for the baby) set in so the doctor told us the baby needed to be delivered immediately. And since I was STILL only dilated to 7 cm, delivery had to come in the form of a c-section. Game over.

It sounds terrible to say but even though I broke into tears when she told me that, part of me also felt an incredible sense of relief that I wasn’t going to have to push the baby out. I was exhausted out of my mind by that point – physically and emotionally. I really don’t know how I would have pushed for three or more hours after what I’d already been through. Also, as we later found out, Jaggar was sunny-side up and wedged very firmly in my pelvis so, as the doctor put it, I likely would not have been able to push him out anyway and still would have needed a c-section. So, better to have gotten it before I gave myself an aneurysm pushing anyway!

Besides, by the time they were performing the surgery, I felt more calm and collected than I’d felt since labor started. Granted, the whole scene was completely surreal. The lower half of my body felt so disconnected from me it was like the surgery was happening in another room. But when they brought Jaggar around the curtain and put him on the warming table to clean him up, looking over my shoulder at him, I realized two profound things:

1.) I can’t believe that poor kid got my big, flat feet! Of all the traits I could have passed on to him! Good lord!

and

2.) I can’t believe it but I’m totally, completely and head-over-heels in love with that purplish, screaming, wet, gooshy baby! That’s MY baby! Give him to me now!!!

So, maybe getting the c-section was the right way to go, much as the recovery was a bear, the scar is quite unsightly, I was fairly traumatized for several weeks afterward and the whole situation was not at all the birth I thought I would have. It nevertheless gave me a peaceful break at just the moment it benefitted me the most – Jaggar’s birth. Many thankfully forthright parents had warned me that if I didn’t fall in love with the baby immediately upon birth that it was okay and I shouldn’t worry because eventually I would love him. And honestly, I totally thought I’d be like that. I thought it would take a while for me to feel a connection to a baby because, again, I’m just not the “mommy” type. But even I was amazed that I completely loved him upon first sight. He’s been the light of my life since the first moment I laid eyes on him.

And good thing, too, because that’s what got me through the first three harrowing weeks…

The baby blues are real. I will preface this by saying that, perhaps again to my amazement, I did not end up with too much in the way of genuine post-partum depression. This is not to say that I wouldn’t cry at the drop of a hat – sentimental movie or t.v. show, thoughtful gesture, a stressful moment, money worries – that all can get me tearing up pretty quick. But that crushing depression, which I was sure, with my own personal history of depression, was essentially a guarantee, never materialized. This is not to say that life has been a cake walk. I’ve had enough self-doubt and second-guessing myself as a mother to squash a mere mortal. However, my spirits have been easily salvageable, especially by my husband who seems to always know just the right thing to say or gesture to make to return me from the dumps to feeling like I can at least breathe again. Having a partner who’s in this with me 100% has been key to keeping my head above water in every sense. I truly do not know how I’d do this without Johann.

Having said that, though, the first three weeks were a melee of full-on baby blues. Hell, I think even Johann might have had them to some degree! The first week I honestly wondered what I had done and why it was that I thought that torpedoing my otherwise great life with a constantly-hungry, frequently crying and infrequently sleeping baby was a good idea. Again, it was very helpful that I was completely in love with the little guy. That feeling was compelling enough to bring me back from the brink a number of times and, as such, it was truly a blessing. In the rare moment that I’d get to take a nap while someone else cared for him, I’d wake up kind of refreshed and, for a split second life would feel like it did before I had a baby – easy and completely in control. And then I would remember the baby and think, What have I done? That’s when I’d remind myself that I love Jaggar and somehow I will get through this. Gradually, I did.

Sometime during my step-mom Cathy’s visit, I think her very sweet and positive attitude rubbed off on me and the dark skies over my head brightened. Johann and I went out on our first post-baby date to a yummy Indian restaurant and for the first time, life had a miniscule degree of “normalcy” to it again. I told him over dinner that despite our feeling overwhelmed, Jaggar was actually a pretty textbook baby. He’s not at all the spirited/grumpy/colicky baby I thought I’d get (these types run in my family, bless their fussy little hearts).

He’s logical. When he cries, there’s a reason. Figure it out and you can get him to stop crying. So, Johann started us out with our mental checklist – hungry, tired, dirty diaper, gas bubble – and we worked from there, solving the crying mystery and hitting on the culprit over 90% of the time. Somewhere between two and three weeks Jaggar developed a low grade bit of acid reflux that, combined with the fussiness the pediatrician said he’d experience until around 6 weeks, made for some interesting evenings of crying baby. But even these were deftly handled by my creative husband, a swaddling blanket and a bouncy chair which is truly remarkable to me considering how many parents I know have babies for whom nothing works to stop the crying. The baby gods have truly smiled on us and don’t think that I don’t know that because I very much do.

Nowadays, Jaggar is a joy – even more than he was before. Okay, I know, I’m not supposed to candy-coat things so I won’t. Truth be told: We haven’t got the least bit of a handle on the overnight sleeping situation. It’s almost a joke. We still have to put him to bed at night with a bottle of formula because my breast milk never came in en force like it seems to do for every other nursing woman on the planet (we theorize this is due, in part, to the c-section surgery and long recovery). So, even though it’s coming in better these days, it still does not begin to satiate Jaggar enough to get him to go to sleep in the evening. And then he still wakes up every three hours or less which I understand is normal for breastfed babies but is still crazy for me and Johann. We’ve reached several peaks of frustration over this but there seems no getting around it. Until he's older, we're sleeping in short increments whether we like it or not.

So, we have a baby that sleeps somewhat restlessly in his crib for three hours and then peacefully and soundly next to me for the rest of the night while he nurses every three hours and I get some semblance of sleep. The books say this should all get better from 4-6 months and don’t think we’re not looking forward to it. I do hope he will start sleeping more at some point before he goes off to college!!

Beyond this rather inconvenient sleeping arrangement, however, I will say again that Jaggar is a joy. Even his several “touchy” qualities are endearing. He’s a bit sensitive – especially sensitive to bright light (he has eyes that hate bright sunlight like my me and my mother) and noise, which he frequently startles and cries – so I do my best to expose him to these things in moderation so he can get used to them but slowly and on his terms. His touchiness, however, makes him very alert and aware. I know people with those sleepy babies who are always “good” and in a way I actually prefer Jaggar’s touchy-ness because he’s energetic, not lethargic. I think you know how a snoozy baby would bore me to tears after a while (at least after I was ridiculously well-rested anyway :P).

Jaggar loves to smile and coo and is on the verge of giggling. His hand-eye coordination is developing rapidly and he’s already starting to gain a bit of control over his hands to touch or move his toys a little. He can hold up his head fairly well and he’s tipping over on his right side so rolling over is definitely on his mind. It’s been amazing to see him develop from a little doll-like swaddled bun into a sentient being who can interact with us and is eagerly taking in the world around him. It’s so cool!

For the first time in my life, I’m following a schedule. That my child is the one who imposed this schedule upon me should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me. Ha! What can I say? I’ve always been ridiculously bored with routine so I tend to avoid it. However, Jaggar loves routine and since the focus of my life is keeping Jaggar happy, his sleep-eat-play-eat-sleep-and-repeat routine is now my life. Much to my relief, as of this week, his feedings are finally starting to space out from every hour and 45 minutes, which had been the norm since he was born, to more like three hours apart (hallelujah!). And yes, I realize how crazy that sounds. I’m still a total slave to the kid but my gratitude in life is now measured in minutes, not hours. I’m grateful to get those extra 75 minutes!

He’s also starting to spend time playing by himself with his play gym, etc. so it’s beginning to look like I *might* be able to figure out how to get back into the swing of my life now. Again, this is a huge relief since there are projects I’d love, and need, to work on (and a teensy bit of writing work that is coming my way next week). It is great to have Jaggar in a pattern that’s predictable enough to potentially give me small chunks of time to start working again. It’s going to be interesting, I’m sure. Babies seem to know when you need to go somewhere or must get something done and those are always the moments when they have their little meltdowns. I’m crossing my fingers that he lets me work a bit. We’ll see how it goes.

There’s a bunch of stuff I’ve left out, I’m sure, but since life has finally leveled off, I do hope to be back blogging now. Maybe I’ll get in here and write about some of the other interesting (and crazy and eye-opening) aspects of motherhood. And we haven’t even talked about my frightening post-baby body (eeeek!). That’s a whole other blog in itself!

Until then, I will say that I’m grateful I’ve survived this experience. It’s crazy to say but I wasn’t sure I would during those first couple of weeks. I still have moments of sheer frustration during a Jaggar crying jag (before I’ve used the checklist and figured out why he’s crying, of course :P) and there are days when I think my husband must seriously wonder if I’ve lost my mind. I totally have – hello! I had a baby and torpedoed my great life, didn’t I?! Clearly I'm nuts. But it’s okay. Jaggar’s the cutest baby ever and totally a keeper. I’ll just figure out how to salvage what’s left of my sanity and my thrashed life because I simply cannot live without the kid now. :)

And that’s the unvarnished truth. Motherhood is insane. I don’t recommend it for anyone who’s attached to their peaceful, calm and controlled life. Get a dog or something but don’t have a baby. Personally, though, I love it. It completely kicks ass. I’m glad I turned my “great” life completely upside down because it's even better now.

J.

39 Weeks: The Time Has Come!

Well, it's official: Doc says baby has dropped so labor is imminent. Could be a few days, could be a few hours but the time has finally come. Holy cow! Can you even believe it? I'm excited and nervous but really, more excited than anything else. That was my prevailing feeling at my doctor's appointment today. It's maybe the first time I've felt it this whole pregnancy - pure happiness and excitement. Mostly, this experience has been a mishmash of emotions and a lot of them have centered around apprehension and intimidation. But today, I'm just excited and I'm just going to "be" fully in that feeling. I'm overwhelmed and overcome but in a such good way!

This last week has been super productive and we've accomplished a ton of things. There was a lot of last minute baby shopping to do including getting a car set (can you say brinksmanship??!!), projects to complete (work and baby-related) and we're down to just the last few little things now that we'd like to get done but that won't be overly critical if we don't. It's a good place to be and a relief to finally feel like I've got things under reasonable control. We even have a pediatrician lined up which turned out to be a lot easier than I thought it would be. Don't know why I put that off so long but now it's done!

Anyway, I feel about as prepared as we can be now. I wish I had a couple more weeks to re-read the parenting books I read earlier on but it's okay. I have them for reference and surely they will keep me company during midnight feedings when I'm trying to figure out why they made so much sense to me during pregnancy and so little sense to me when baby finally showed up. Ha ha!

Of course, this last week of getting everything under the sun done and ready wouldn't have been complete without a little excitement. Saturday night my car, which was parked in front of our condo building, was hit and almost totaled in a dramatic motorcycle crash. I watched the aftermath from our window (I think the cyclist was okay but the paramedics did take him away strapped to a board) and when the damage to my car was assessed it took some creativity and used parts on the part of the body shop mechanic not to have it be a total loss so that's been a bit of a touch-and-go process. Meanwhile, we have a four door rental car and Johann's out there right now putting the car seat in it so we'll be ready to rock when labor starts. Still, you've got to laugh at how these last-minute dramas crop up. Of all the crazy timing! I'm just grateful I wasn't anywhere near the car when it all happened. Thank heavens for small miracles.

So, I think this may be it for the pregnancy blog. People have asked if I'll continue blogging after baby is born and I said I would if there's interest in hearing about life with baby so you all will have to tell me if there is. You know I would still be offering my frank opinions so no candy-coating on the realities of parenting. You decide if you can hack it. :P Still, it might be intriguing to have a record of baby's life and all the things that come along with it. So, we'll see what I decide to do. I still have to figure out how to breastfeed and survive on two hours' sleep first!

Name, gender and, of course, birthdate will be forthcoming so stay tuned to your cell phones, email and Facebook. And wish me luck in the delivery room. I can use all the good "push" thoughts you can send me!

Love,
J.

Week 38: Done with Work and Still Knocked Up

As luck would have it, I’ve made it all the way to Week 38 with baby still safely in-utero. I say that since a lot of the women in my family, of course, deliver a bit early. Man, I have needed this time, though. Work took me an extra day to wrap up (Monday instead of Friday) and I’ve still got two projects to complete by the end of this week before I can officially say that work, of all varieties, is finished. However, the big obstacle – work at the office – is done. My replacement, Shauna, is awesome and if she takes all the training and advice I gave her and combines it with her talent, intelligence and interest, she’ll do that job better than I ever could have. And that's what I wanted all along - to leave the company better than I found it. I think I've accomplished that goal.

By Friday I was beyond tired, though, I have to say. I was almost dreading the Bringing Baby Home workshop Johann and I signed up for over the weekend – eight hours on Saturday and then eight more on Sunday. I was so beat. But, this being the last and most intensive of our pre-parent training, I found the will and went and I’m glad I did. Unlike the other classes we’ve taken that have been more in the practical realm of training and preparedness, this class was about nurturing our marriage and this new child we’re bringing into our lives. I’ve always thought that Johann and I had a wonderful relationship – and especially, a friendship that is the most treasured of my whole life – but even we had things we needed to work on. So, this workshop was both a reinforcement and an eye-opener and definitely one of the most valuable 16 hour blocks of time we’ve ever spent together. We have a lot to offer our baby but the one thing I wanted to give him or her more than anything else was parents with a harmonious relationship. Now I feel that we have the tools to really do that and do it well. I’m so grateful we went.

My doctor’s appointment this week was the usual upbeat and fun experience that Dr. Kurachi makes it. I really do think she’s the perfect doctor for us. Isn’t it funny how losing my other two doctors got me to just the right one? Anyway, as usual, we laughed our way through this appointment and reveled in hearing baby’s slightly increased heart rate (160) due to the spicy lunch I had before the appointment. So funny to think that a little Tapatio got my little chalupa’s heart going so much! Baby’s head is lower in my pelvis than ever but my cervix still isn’t budging so no dilation yet. Dr. Kurachi isn’t worried, though. As long as the head is dropping, that’s the most important thing. She’ll check me again next week and see where I’m at. Perhaps, by that point, I will have “dropped” (where the baby gets super-low in the pelvis and labor is imminent) and things will really be ready for D-Day. It’s exciting to think that it could be anytime now!

Meanwhile, we have our official tour of the childbirth center this Thursday and our hospital bag is 2/3 of the way packed so we’re on our way to being 100% prepared to at least go to the hospital. Heaven help me, I still need to find a pediatrician. I’m starting to think this chore is the new bane of my existence and I HAVE to have one when we show up at the hospital. So, as soon as work projects wrap up this week, I’ve got to get someone on board to take care of baby. Otherwise those nurses who check us in at the hosptial when I’m in labor are going to give me “the look” of "you're busted!" and I don’t want that look!!

Overall, it’s nice to be on my couch right now with my feet up on a pillow. It’s nice to only have a bit more to do to be ready for baby. We’re getting our car seat this weekend and I’m especially tickled to get to take all the clothes we received at the shower and wash and put them away in baby’s dresser. I’m almost even a little misty-eyed about it, actually. I know I have a huge baby belly which should really say "reality" to me but it’s still amazing and mind-boggling to me that a little person is going to come out of there in a few days and I’m going to love it so much I won’t even know what to do with myself.

As I always say, it’s wild. I never seem to get over that feeling.

J.

Week 36 and 37: The Shower and the Launch Position

Our big OB appointment went well. I kept expecting that the doctor would have some objections to the things we had in our birth plan but I think between her open-mindedness and our reasonable expectations, there really wasn’t anything in the plan to edit when all was said and done. Of course, just because we would like things to go a certain way doesn’t mean they will. There are so many variables on D-Day that can change that a birth plan, no matter how well-thought, is really just a set of guidelines for the best case scenario. Should anything interesting happen, we basically just said we want to be part of any and all medical decisions and want all the information to make the choice that’s right for us. The rest, as they say, is details. When the big day comes, we'll really just have to see what happens but at least we've left almost all options open and that's the best way I think we could go.

Overall, baby is doing great and so am I. I only put on 2 lbs this last two weeks which is a relief since at this point everyone said I’d be packing on the pounds and at the weight I’m at, that’s just not a desirable thing. Baby could live off my current store of body fat for three months, I’m sure – no need to put on a bunch more! Anyway, baby’s heart rate was in its normal range (150), my blood pressure was down in the 106/67 range (my normal range) and baby’s head has officially assumed the “Launch Position”. Well, that’s what I’m calling it anyway. My cervix was 25% effaced (so, 75% of the cervix still needs to thin before baby can come out) so progress is being made. No cervical dilation yet so doc says baby’s still on track for my due date. Considering all that I still need to accomplish before birth, though, that’s reassuring, though. I need all the time I can get!

Our baby shower on the 2nd was super fun. The co-ed affair was great – wish there were more showers where dads could attend and feel so comfortable. It was delightful to see all the family and friends who were able to come and overall, I just felt so happy to be there celebrating this little person who will be coming into a community of people who are eager and ready to love him/her. It was really neat.

We were overwhelmed a bit at the generosity of gift-giving – it was about three Christmases in one, I’d say – so I’ve got a ton of thank you cards to write now. It’s helped us be a lot more prepared for the baby and that has really been wonderful. All we need is a car seat and a swing now and baby is set. Oh, and I guess we need to figure out how to take care of baby although with all those books and classes we’ve taken you’d think we’d know by now. Ha ha! I’ll tell you, that’s just one gift nobody could wrap up and give us (even if we did receive a humorous if not informative book called Baby: The Owner’s Manual). It’s the one thing we’ll have to learn all on our own. But that’s all part of the fun, right?

This week is all about training my replacement at work now and getting out of there on Friday. I’ve worked a dizzying number of hours already in anticipation of leaving work (so much to wrap up, so little time to do it!) and I know this week will feel like the longest week ever since I’m already tired going into it. The payoff, though, will be worth it. And of course, it will be strange to leave a job and go home to wait for my life to change. Complicated as my work situation always was, I knew how to handle it day in and day out. This new life with baby is coming with a huge learning curve and takes me right out of my comfort zone. I wonder if I’ll look back at work nostalgically and think THAT was the easy part of life. Should be interesting. :)

J.

Week 35: Birth Plan, the Gender Debate and Moms to the Rescue

My last doctor visit a week and a half ago went well. Baby’s heart rate was 145 so essentially continuing to stay in its normal range. I learned that a woman’s baby belly should measure roughly in centimeters what week she’s at gestationally. So, being at 34 cm as I was, was in fact, perfect. My blood pressure, despite several trying weeks of crazy work and other situations, was at my pre-pregnancy norm of 110/72. Can’t complain about that. Next time I go in I’ll be tested for Group B strep virus which they’ll treat with antibiotics during labor if I have it. Hopefully, though, I won’t. One less tube stuck into me at the hospital on D-Day would be nice.

New complaints have cropped up since my doctor’s visit, though, most especially round ligament pain in my left side (pelvis). With baby being about 5 lbs at this point, it’s just natural that it’s going to exert pressure and weight on my uterus and the ligaments are stretched to the hilt trying to stabilize it. The result is a fantastic quality of pain on my left side when I roll over in bed at night or sleep in anything but the “perfect” position. From what I’ve read online this is completely normal and many women experience it, especially those who are on their feet a lot. I’ve been on my feet, bending and moving things at work this week (not heavy things but things that still needed to be picked up) so Tuesday night after all that activity was particularly excruciating. I’m going to discuss this all with my doc when I see her this coming Tuesday but really, I’ll bet she says it’s just par for the course. I think I just have to go with the flow of having four more weeks of this…and trying to not overdo things AND sleep in just the right position at night. I keep reminding myself when I yelp out in pain that this will be worth it in the end. So far, I’m still convinced it will be. :)

That upcoming appointment with Dr. Kurachi on Tuesday is our big “OB Talk” which loosely translated means the time when Johann and I discuss our birth plan with her. Much to my dismay, a birth plan cannot just be, “Knock me out and pull out the baby. Wake me up when it’s over.” I get the distinct feeling that I will be expected to go through the process of labor pains and push when the time comes. Dangit! :) And, as I’ve learned, I come from a long and storied tradition of women on both sides of my family doing just that, mostly without drugs. Most of the women who are mothers in my family never even went in for as much as an epidural, let alone a c-section. Probably this should boost my confidence. I just read my cousin Stefanie’s story of her baby’s birth (again, no drugs) and for all the pain, she seemed to endure it amazingly well. Genetically, it all looks like I should be able to do this like a champ.

But just in case…I will have that clause in the birth plan to hit me with the epidural at 5 cm dilation if the pain is at epic proportions. After feeling my incredible ligament pain this week, I realize that my belief that I have a fairly low pain threshold seems to be more fact than fiction. I have no desire to be an over-achiever. Nobody’s down there at the hospital handing out gold medals to the mothers who deliver naturally and without a stitch of meds so there’s no point in trying to be a hero. My goal is to get the baby out, period. However that can be accomplished is how it should go. It’ll be crazy. It’ll be intense. But it’ll be okay no matter how it happens.

Now, how to write THAT into a birth plan…

As we close in on the last four weeks of baby-baking, the gender debate continues to rage amongst the family and friends. The Girl Camp, which used to be a tiny vocal minority, has gained much in the way of numbers the past few months and essentially rivals the Boy Camp in size now. In other words, there’s absolutely no consensus and no one really has any idea what gender the baby is. Ha! But seriously, I think Johann might be at the point where he’s being driven a little crazy by it all. No doubt the suspense is killing him – hell, it’s pretty much killing me and I LOVE suspense – but I think he’s probably heard about one zillion too many opinions without anyone really knowing what they’re talking about. I, on the other hand, still find it amusing. People are always so sure of their belief in one gender or another as if it’s somehow the unquestionable truth. It cracks me up.

Finally, in an announcement which makes me only too happy to make, both Johann’s mom and my step-mom Cathy will be coming, at different times, to help us out with baby post-birth. The relief I feel over knowing that we will have their support makes me cry. Yeah, yeah, I know – it’s the pregnancy hormones. But seriously, it means the world to me to know they’d take time of their lives to come help us with baby and laundry and even just getting dinner on the table. I feel like I’m working with a safety net now; like when things don’t go perfectly or I’m just frazzled, there will be a mom who’s been there to give some support and words of wisdom. I know Johann will also feel better about going back to work knowing I’ll have a mom there to help me get started with baby on my own. We’re both so grateful and so relieved.

It makes me laugh to think that for as tough and weathered as I am, all it takes is a little baby to intimidate me. It’s crazy! But it’s reality. So, thank you moms for making the time to come and help. You are amazing and we love you and I know baby will love spending these first few days and weeks with you. It’s going to be so wonderful and all because of you. :)

So, we’ve got our big OB appointment on Tuesday and after that I’ll schedule our hospital tour so we'll know what we’re doing when the big moment happens and we have to get to the hospital ASAP. The shower’s next Saturday. My last day of work is the following Friday. Our last set of parenting classes is the weekend of the 9th and 10th. And then, as my husband has requested, I put my feet up and just wait, I guess.

That is if I ever get the 25 things left on my to-do list done…

J.

Weeks 33 and 34

First off, y'all probably want to hear about NYC so I'll start with that.

Our "babymoon" trip was a great one and I'm so glad we went. It's frustrating to be so physically limited, though, because no matter how dilligently I set a "reasonable" sightseeing agenda, I so wanted to see everything and there was just no way my feet, ankles and tummy were going to let that happen - at least not pain-free. We did tons of things, though - a Circle Line Cruise around Manhattan, a Broadway show, the Statue of Liberty/Ellis Island, MoMA and various fabulous lunches and dinners including killer Korean BBQ, drinks at the Oak Room in the Plaza Hotel and dinner for restaurant week at the famous Le Cirque.

So, I didn't miss out on a thing. We even took a side trip to Hoboken, NJ and saw Carlo's, the famous "Cake Boss" bakery and had a fun Cuban dinner whilst there. I was suffering throughout the trip - from the puffiest ankles anyone has ever seen - but not from lack of getting to see and experience wonderful things. I feel so lucky that we got to have this great trip. It makes me sincerely miss our world travels and long for being on the road. I guess I can't help it; I'm a traveler at heart. And New York is such an amazing place. No matter how many times I go there I know there is always more to see next time. I hope we'll get back there someday soon. Until then, I'm just going to be impressed with myself that for eight months along, I did as much as I did. Go pregnant me!

As for me, physically, everything was great when I went to the doctor before I left. (I'm due back to see her on Tuesday since I'm on the every two weeks regimen now.) Baby's heart rate is still up in the 150s which is perfect, my tummy measures well and my blood pressure was 122/70 so even that was fine (considering the stressful day I was having that day, it's almost a miracle!). Baby has been head-down for the second visit in a row (I think it's been at least six weeks that way, though, from where I've been feeling kicking ). So, fingers crossed, baby will stay that way and will hopefully also be facing toward my back so delivery will be as easy as possible...as if any delivery is easy. Ha! Anyway, doc says everything looks good and she hasn't even commented on what a whale I am as I'm up a good 35 lbs now. And yes, just typing that makes me faint especially considering I'm likely to put on another 10 before baby shows up. Yeesh!

Grateful that all things with baby are going wonderfully, I will admit that I'm finally to that phase of the pregnancy where some level of discomfort is a part of daily life. I'd had the occasional experience of this leading up to now - some aches here, some pains there - and really, the experience of being pregnant is an uncomfortable one overall so it's hard to avoid feeling not quite right in your skin no matter what phase you're in. I had a pregnancy massage a few weeks ago and man, you just don't realize how "unhappy" your body is in this state until you experience something that makes it "happy". That was a real eye-opener. Pregnancy is rough!

Anyway, now it's really the feeling of being "full up" with baby that's a daily discomfort. I am incredibly grateful, after hearing stories of girlfriends with bruised and battered bladders or cracked ribs from active, kicking babies that I can really only complain of feeling some gingerly kicking feet in my ribs from time to time and a head that likes to use my bladder as a pillow. I'm not in pain at all - but I do feel like I am going to be relieved when I don't have to share my space with a little someone who's likely feeling the pinch of the shrinking real estate him/herself, too. There's only so much body frame for us to share and space is coming at a premium now.

I have also been working with my doctor on a separate issue - RLS. It's something I experienced maybe three or four times pre-pregnancy and nothing that a little getting up and stretching or having a little snack couldn't resolve. But, as the doc says, with the pregnancy hormones likely playing a big part, the twitching in my legs has become a nightly thing after I lay down. She gave me some meds (oxycontin of all things which is apparently decidedly safer than even taking an ibuprofen - who knew?) which a fellow OB/GYN of hers took when she was pregnant and had RLS and they work blessedly well. Those twitchy nerves calm down within an hour and I can get to sleep which is great. The doctor says any small risk associated with taking such medicine right now is far outweighed by the benefits of me getting adequate sleep. She says she wants me rested for labor and delivery and that's her #1 priority. So, I've got my marching orders now...or rather, sleeping orders and I'm on it. Rest up. That I can do. :)

Beyond that, I am assailed multiple times daily by heartburn, which most pregnant women complain about and man, they do because it's a valid complaint. It sucks, completely. I somehow even managed to aspirate a bit of it into my windpipe one night on the trip and had a wild gagging/coughing fit that almost made me throw up. It was crazy and weird and like nothing I've ever experienced before. Meanwhile, no antacid known to man will touch the stuff so I tend to resort to eating yogurt and such things to try to cool it down which, thankfully, usually provides some relief. But when you've got a baby squishing your stomach, you're going to have acid reflux and this is just life. Thankfully, we're at the end now and I don't have to go too much longer before my stomach can go back to occupying its usual space. Whew!

Invites went out for our shower this week and I'm SO excited! Is it silly to be this jazzed over a party for baby stuff? Well, I am. It's like I'm a kid and it's Christmas and it's super fun. And it's a co-ed shower to boot so Johann and his guys get to be there which makes me happy (and him, too). Those fussy all-girl affairs seem to me to be so needlessly exclusive. Dads are involved these days; they're right there with us as the whole pregancy, birth and beyond happen. So, it's about time we started having them at the shower and making it the kind of party that's fun to be at. So, as the girls put it, it'll be a cocktail soiree with tasty noshes and baby gifts. Just how I like my parties - simple, delish and fabulous. It's going to be such a blast!

Well, I can't believe I'm saying it but there's only six weeks left, give or take a few days. That seems like a ridiculously short amount of time to prepare, I have to say. But all projects are in the works so at least most of the important things have a pretty good shot at getting done pre-baby. Even the interview process to replace me at work is going well. I'm calling people tomorrow to schedule interviews, the first round of which I'm doing personally. It's a bit nerve-wracking, knowing that I'm leaving quite a bit of chaos to a new person but I'm glad the time has finally come to do so. It's going to be exciting to turn over this new leaf in my life and live from a whole new point of view, mothering this incredible and intriguing little person who's about to come into the world. Makes the chaos of work life almost seem a little boring by comparison. ;)

And maybe, just maybe, by the time baby comes, we'll have picked a name for him/her off our epic list of names. Cross your fingers....

J.

Week 32: The Fab Nursery and the Name Game

We've been busy this week, as usual, getting ready for baby. Our super fab nursery, which has been mostly finished for a while now, finally got photographed as you can see here.

We also finally got our baby registries completed (at Babies R Us and MyRegistry.com, respectively) at the behest of Chelan who's throwing the baby shower so we're doing our part to be prepared for it. Tough work but somebody's got to do it. (Ha ha.) Hopefully, we put the right stuff on there. We're such newbies at this no matter how much good advice we get. Guess we'll find out soon enough!

Now we've moved on to the naming process. As I suspected, Johann and I are pretty far apart on the spectrum of the kinds of names we like. Our lists are long (well, mine is pretty epic, actually) and interesting. It's hard to rule out names because most of them, to some degree, have merit. Still, we must at some point come up with a short list of names, however, so we'll have to get serious about this or baby will end up being "Baby J" on its birth certificate!

When we get back from the trip I'll be hunting down a good pediatrician. Apparently you have to have one chosen prior to the birth and it's a bit of a process meeting with them and making sure they have privileges at the hospital you deliver at. So, I need to get on that asap. Hopefully the search will go smoothly and we'll find one we really click with so baby will have good care.

Beyond our productiveness this week I got to spend some quality time with my girlfriends on a couple of nights this week and it made me wonder how much life will change when baby is here and I have to factor a little one into my social life. Then I realize - what social life? I do wonder if it will even exist when baby comes but I guess many first time parents worry about that. What will life look like when baby gets here and changes everything? Only time will tell.

Meanwhile, we're living it up. Our flight for NYC/Newark leaves at 6:00 a.m. on Wednesday morning. I'm so excited! I'm looking forward to having some alone time with J, of course, and seeing wonderful things together. We also have coveted restaurant reservations at Le Cirque with our friends on Friday night so that will most definitely be the foodie highlight of the trip. Mostly, though, I just appreciate the adventure this will be. It will be a long time before we do something like this again - although I believe that, at some point, we will figure out family and parenting life enough to do so again (hey, I'm an optimist!). Until then, the fun of this trip's gotta last us so I guess we'd better make it memorable!

I'm off to the doctor tomorrow afternoon to check in before we leave. Hopefully all will be fine as usual (I can hope to step on the scale and have only gained two pounds but I'm learning such things are just pregnancy pipe dreams...) She's got me set up with compression stockings for the flights and I picked up a maternity belt to help keep me from cramping when I walk a lot. I feel like I have a lot of whacky gear now - this pregnancy thing will get you wearing some crazy stuff, I tell ya - but I feel good knowing that I've got the right equipment to help me keep going on the trip and having fun even at this late stage.

Well, here's a link to more great photos of Johann's beautiful nursery design. http://www.flickr.com/photos/johanngomez/sets/72157624835654306/ I'll post a shot or two from NYC when we get back. And yes, I'll be sure to get the belly in there, too. It's really starting to look impressive!

J.

Weeks 29, 30 and now 31: It’s All Been a Blur

If you’ve tuned in for the past several weeks you’ve noticed that I’ve been MIA. It’s not my fault and yet, really, I guess it is. A lot has been going on. There’s been drama. There’s been travel. There’s been a lot of marking off items from the baby to-do list. Mostly, though, it’s all been a blur and I predict it will continue to be until I find myself in labor…in t-minus nine weeks.

Yes, only nine weeks to go. Tick-tock goes the clock. I’m excited that there’s only two months left but daunted, as always, by the long list of things I’d still like to get done to prepare for baby’s arrival. Our birthing classes are going well. We’ve learned breathing and pain management techniques that we accept will likely not be all that helpful in labor. But whatever. At least we’re feeling more prepared for a labor situation that will essentially be out of our control. False security is better than no security, right? We also took a BabySafe class so now we know all the perils baby can find its way into and how to head him/her off at the pass (or help him/her in the event of an emergency). We also learned a bit of infant CPR so I’d say we’re relatively prepared for disaster…if anyone ever can be.

Work for me got especially dramatic a couple weeks ago with my boss, who’s in ailing health, going back into the hospital for two weeks for extensive surgery and recovery. It’s been hard not to worry about him, the future of the company and the viability of my replacement doing well under such tough circumstances. The company is really struggling right now. The last few weeks have been a good lesson in letting go and accepting that the company will swim, sink or float, somehow, without me. And seeing as how “checked out” I feel lately (who can focus on work when there’s a baby to plan for?) maybe this is a good mindset for me to have so I can leave without emotional ties.

Still, it will be hard to give up 18 years of life in the working world, even if it was work I never really loved. And when I start to miss it (and miss a paycheck) I can always start writing again which I do love. This is, at least, what I tell myself and so far, it’s keeping me sane. My last day in the office is October 8th. After that, I guess I need to start re-defining myself and thinking about who I am going forward. It should be an interesting revelation of a whole new self.

My girlfriend Chelan emailed me this week about the baby shower she’s throwing for me and Johann. It, too, is a reality check but a very good one. Baby is really on its way! The shower is October 2nd and I’m so excited. I look forward to getting together with family and friends to celebrate the little bun. It reminds me of what a special – and fleeting – time this is in our lives. I hope we’ll remember to treasure it.

I received my first gift of baby clothes when I went up to Victoria to visit my Canadian friends. The gal I stayed with, Renee, who’s like a great aunt to me, gave me the softest pima cotton baby onesies from Peru. So sweet, so cute. Again, a reality check. Soon there will be a baby to fill these little outfits. I think I’m still trying to fit that into my brain!

I met with my new doctor, Dr. Kurachi, last week for the first time. I already love her. She’s cool and laid back yet smart and knowledgeable. Despite my underwhelming-looking baby belly, she assures me that I’m measuring perfectly. (That’s two doctors and an ARNP who’ve all measured me now and say the belly is just fine so people can quit is with the “You look small” comments already! :P) My blood pressure was at an ideal 110/69 so I couldn’t have asked for better numbers. (I could have on the scale, though. Heavens, I’m a whale these days!) She gave me the thumbs up to travel until mid-September, too, so everything’s good with my general health and that of the baby whose heart rate was up in the 150s and sounding perfect. Not sure which direction baby is pointing now – that seems to be the next big mystery to solve – but I get kicked a lot in various directions so my sense is that there’s still enough room to move around in there. Soon enough, though, we’ll see if baby gets into ideal head-down position and ready for take-off!

Speaking of taking off, Johann and I will be jetting out next Wednesday for our official “babymoon” to NYC. We’re staying with his best friend, Dyronne (best man at the wedding for those who remember him) and his wife Mayra in New Jersey for a week and making jaunts into the city to see some sights. Yes, I realize I’m a little nuts to take what will be my 8 months pregnant self to the Big Apple but we know to take it easy and set reasonable sight-seeing goals along with reasonable napping goals. I think it will work out well and I’m excited to get to the City before baby arrives. Going there later with a little one would be a lot more complicated and we thought we’d save our runner up “babymoon” idea of SFO/Napa Valley for that since it’s a lot more do-able with a little one.

So, I’m excited for this “last hurrah”. I have to laugh that world travelers like us always seem to bite off such big hunks of life but we’re about to change our lives entirely so it’s a good excuse, right? Then again, with what jetsetters my parents are, and that I am, baby is likely to just be a third-generation traveler him/herself. I think it’s just genetic pre-disposal. :)

That’s all that’s been going on in a nutshell. Well, that’s all that’s fit to report, anyway. My emotions have been up and down like a roller coaster dealing with lots of things (that have nothing to do with baby). It’s just been a tough month for family and friends and my workplace so I’m trying to handle it all sanely, knowing that the pregnancy hormones make everything more intense than it would normally be. But I’m hanging in there and keeping life in perspective. Johann, as usual, is the best support partner I could ask for and things like massages have been coming in regular intervals to keep me calm and help me cope with the drama. What a guy, I tell ya. Baby’s lucky to have such a great papa.

Hoping to write another blog before I leave but at least I will when I get back. I’m swinging by the doctor the day before we leave so, fear not, I’ll be leaving with her blessing and any orders she might have. Can’t wait to get traveling and enjoy being on vacation. Woohoo!

J.

Week 28: Kicking Into High Gear

I've had it in my mind all along that once Johann's birthday was over (July 29th) that everything "baby" would finally kick into high gear. This timing, coincidentally, corresponds to the beginning of the third trimester and there's nothing like knowing there's only 12 weeks left to light a fire under and get me moving on the last of my important to-do list items. Still on the agenda are finding a pediatrician, getting our dang registry done, signing up for infant CPR and, of course, figuring out some names. As the deadline approaches, though, I'm confident the mounting pressure will be motivational. I think we writers purposely work to deadlines to keep ourselves disciplined and on track!

Speaking of the Johann birthday, it was two nights of fun that we both really enjoyed. I'm so glad that both of our birthdays fell in the second/early third trimester timeline and that we got to enjoy both of them. And enjoy I did as I found out today stepping onto the scale at the doctor's office - to the tune of three pounds worth of weight gain. Holy Cow! All that cake, Spanish and Mexican food added up. I guess no one will ever be able to say I didn't gain enough weight while pregnant. Good grief!

At long last, our hotly-debated crib finally arrived today. It's now all assembled waiting for the mattress that we'll buy tomorrow. It looks great in our nearly-completed nursery and I'm stoked that we're only a couple pieces away from completion. We'll soon be able to cross that off the to-do list. Woo!

We started our birthing classes last night which was interesting. The couple we sat next to were really nice people and sort of the class clowns so that, combined with Johann's smart-aleck running commentary, I was sure was going to get us kicked out. Not that I'm all that straight-laced about birthing education or anything but you have to appreciate how P.C. Seattle is. The demographic of this room was as stiff and stereotypical as it could be (25 to 40 year old heterosexual white, married DINKS). In other words, not exactly a hotbed of diversity, or comedy, for that matter.

Still, it was an interesting class and our instructor seems very caring and knowledgeable. I know we'll learn a lot about the birth process so I'm confident that even despite our humorous thoughts and comments we'll pick up a few useful pieces of information. And heaven knows, let's hope we do because we currently "don't know nuthin' 'bout birthin' no babies". :P

I went to my doctor today for the first of my now every-two-week appointments. Everything was fine (other than gaining those 3 lbs from birthday pig-out week!). My belly measured fine and the baby's heart rate was at 148 (it seems to fall anywhere from 144 to 155) which was perfect. The one frustrating piece of information was that my doctor is leaving the women's clinic for another opportunity so this will make the third doctor change I've had since I got pregnant. Yeesh. I'm definitely glad I'm at a practice with several doctors so I've been able to transition easily between them. So, now I'm with Dr. Kurachi who's in her 30s and comes well-recommended. I suppose she'll be as good as anyone at this point especially considering I'll likely end up with whoever is on call the day I go into labor. I'm learning that this pregnancy thing goes a lot more smoothly when you're agreeable and flexible!

Physically, things are just fine with me going into this first week of the third trimester. My BP was up a smidge (122/76) but the doc says it's still in the OK range so I'm taking her word on that. Otherwise I feel fine save for the little aches and pains that seem to be normal for pregnancy. I'm sleeping okay for the most part though sometimes it's hard to fall asleep initially. My ankles seem to swell only when I'm sitting or standing too long and decrease when I put my feet up and rest so that's been totally manageable. I get waves of my heart racing and shortness of breath but the doc says that's pretty normal and they don't last more than about 20 minutes at a stretch. Just my body pumping an extra 4 lbs of blood so I guess it's going to have a labored effect for sure! Things, though, especially considering all the weight I've packed on, seem to be going along pretty normally and I'm grateful for that. I wish I had more stamina - I think that's my only complaint at this point (well that and pretty consistent heartburn that I could definitely live without!) but there's likely no real changing that. Hauling around the extra load's going to make me slow. Guess I should just accept that now. :)

Attached, as you've noticed, is a photo. It's the first acceptable one that's been taken of me so far so I decided it was blog and Facebook post-worthy. After all this time I am finally starting to look fairly pregnant (this photo seems to emphasize that from the angle it was taken). Most days I think I still just look really chubby which is whacky but I guess that's okay. Seeing how belly-full some of the women in class were last night I'm grateful a good deal of my belly still flies below the radar. I could be as big as a planet so I'm glad to still look fairly proportional most of the time. We'll see how that changes as the weeks go by though!

J.

Week 27: Progress

Things have been moving along well this week and are slowly getting accomplished. I’m glad, too, of course because my to-do list, while seemingly manageable, is still fairly lengthy so getting on to the last trimester, I sort of want to start knocking the important things off that list, STAT.

We finally ordered a crib – hallelujah! Ironically, it’s the first crib we ever looked at. Despite all my gnashing of teeth over trying to find the “perfect” crib we have simply returned to the first one which is “good enough”. It arrives next Tuesday and we still have to order a mattress but at least we’re making progress. Now it’s on to finding a glider rocker which is an even more frustrating task (there just isn’t a white glider that isn’t either $1200 or totally ugly). Ah, the frustrations of trying to create a fabulous nursery.

Speaking of which, it’s almost done. Johann’s basically got the décor finished save for a few details and once we can get the last pieces of furniture ordered and assembled we’re golden. We still need our changing pad for the changing table and then we’re set and ready to photograph for “Baby Nursery Beautiful” or whatever publication can appreciate Johann’s brilliance. We’re set, that is, with the nursery, mind you. We still need diapers and clothes and blankets and wipes and lotion and towels and, well, pretty much everything else for a baby!

I went to my first “official” third trimester doctor’s appointment yesterday although I’m not technically in the third trimester until this time next week. I also, technically, didn’t meet with the doctor, I met with the extremely informative ARNP for a highly productive Q&A session and general check of my health and baby’s. They drew my blood for the glucose test yesterday (crossed fingers) as well as for Rh negativity (which I’m Rh positive so that’s not an issue) and anemia. Apparently, I was borderline for anemia when they did my blood draw back in the first trimester so I may dip below the line and need an iron supplement. Apparently, this is pretty common in pregnancy so I’m not going to take it as a sign to worry –just a sign to eat more spinach and an excuse to get big, juicy hamburgers more frequently. :)

Overall, I’m doing well and so is baby. The nurse felt around my belly and found the baby’s head. I’m still al little astounded that baby is the size that it is. I’m used to it being so small but it’s really got some size in there – almost 2 lbs. She also monitored the heartbeat which was 144 BPM. Apply old wives tales as you may in terms of gender determination from that but I’ve found that in all the shows I’ve watched where people predict the gender from the heartbeat they’re rarely ever right. Ha ha.

In general, the nurse says the baby is doing great and that always makes me happy to hear. We also went over a lot of things that come up in the third trimester including signs of premature labor and appointments to get prepared for, like going over our birth plan with our doctor at 36 weeks. It was great to have her to ask questions to and get information on resources like a list of pediatricians (which we have to choose before baby is born) and a lactation specialist so I have someone to call in case I need help breastfeeding. It’s also nice that they address these things proactively and I don’t have to figure out at what point it’s appropriate to ask about them. It’s comforting to know they have a whole structure in place to help us first time moms through this rather confusing process more smoothly.

My blood pressure popped up a bit from last time – 120/82. That top number wasn’t concerning but I guess the bottom one was since I’m usually in the 100/70 range. I also totally felt overheated and even a little queasy yesterday from the summer heat so I’d say my numbers might be skewed from that. We’ll see what I look like next week when I go back to see my actual doctor. Also, my weight gain is starting to slow and the nurse, who likes to get on me about these things, didn’t even mention weight. So, if I can get past the doctor next week (and past the glucose test, of course!) maybe I don’t have to deal with any diet issues. Bad girl, I know, but unless I’m just getting crazy obese, I just don’t want to hear about getting a little fat, you know? We pregnant ladies are a bit sensitive about these things. :P

Our birthing classes start at the hospital on Monday and then I’m back at the doctor on Tuesday. My appointments thereafter will be every two weeks so I’ll be at the hospital complex once to twice a week for the next six weeks. This would, of course, be part of my strategy of picking a hospital/doctor that’s five minutes away from the house. That and the hopes for one of those super fast labors that you have to screech into the hospital just in time for. Ha ha. The odds of that seem pretty slim at best but hey, a girl can dream, right?

Well, farewell to Trimester 2 and hello to Trimester 3. It’s wild that baby will be here in only 13 weeks. I’m pretty dang excited, though. :)

J.

Week 26: Nesting

They tell you in all the baby books and websites that expectant mothers reach a point in the pregnancy where their hormones trigger their “nesting” urge. I'm not sure if it’s the estrogen or the progesterone that’s supposed to make this happen but I think I may be lacking whatever the hormone because I don’t feel at all “nesty” at least not up to this point. Once I did a good spring/summer cleaning of the condo last month, I have really appreciated having a nice, neat house so that's something. But I did that kind of cleaning last spring before the wedding and felt the same sense of order, sanity and satisfaction. In other words, there’s nothing about it that says, “Getting this space ready for baby,” to me. I think I may just be missing that gene.

Having said that, Johann is more than making up for my lack of nesty-ness. I spent the night with my girlfriends over the weekend and they cooed when they heard how hard he was working on the nursery, “Oh, Johann’s nesting!” It is pretty sweet but J, in all his adorable-ness, is really just a practical guy. He’s the kind of person who likes to have a to-do list full of tasks to accomplish to complete his project du jour. Putting together a nursery – with all its blank-slate possibilities – is right up his alley. He gets to really sink his teeth in, be creative, go all out with color and design and create a space where his precious little offspring will be safe and happy. These are the things that I know bring him a great deal of inner contentment.

I also think that he likes having “something” to do during the pregnancy process. J is the kind of person who believes in letter-of-the-law fairness which is a rare and endearing quality. I think he sees me making a conscious effort every day to care for baby in-utero and he sees the “heavy lifting” that is nine months of pregnancy and I can tell he feels he needs to be doing his part. I, of course, think that the fact that he works hard and puts a roof over our head is more than enough in the “pulling his own weight” department but for him, fairness is essential. If I’m working hard to make a little person then he’s going to be working hard to make a great space for that little person.

Thus, the baby room, which at one time was a loft, then was a construction zone when the walls were put up, is usually a part-office and, until recently, was still looking pretty bare-bones, is finally starting to come together. J’s been working in there tirelessly for a couple of weeks now and I’m impressed with his progress. He’s repurposed two pieces of furniture – a chest of drawers that’s been painted white and will have the nursery colors inserted in the panels on each drawer so it will be fun and colorful – and a shelving unit I’ve had for years that has also been painted white and is now going to be a fabulous changing table and storage place for all things diaper-related. I don’t think we even set out to be so economical in our decorating scheme - I think we both accepted that baby furniture is a necessary investment – but I’ve been impressed with J’s ingenuity and ability to take stuff that we were just going to throw out and make it into the perfect baby furniture. He’s just super creative like that.

The room also has lighting now, a great throw rug and a shelving unit where baby’s first stuffed animals now live. J’s experimenting with his wall décor, too, which has gone through a few incarnations and is still working its way up to his exacting standards. Overall, our scheme of white furniture with orange, navy blue and gray accents is working really well and with the use of tigers as a theme (baby is being born during the Chinese year of the tiger like me!), I think we’ve got the coolest, most unique nursery on the block. I can’t wait until it all comes together and we can post photos!

We’re still working on finding the right glider rocker, though, and that and finding the crib that makes me happy has so far been a challenge. Yes, in the midst of J’s great nursery project the boulder blocking the road to completion has been yours truly. (Now do you believe me that I don’t have the nesting instinct?) Since the big CPS nationwide recall of over two million drop-side cribs, we parents-to-be are stuck with having to hoist our babies into cribs with stationary rails which is bad news for my bad back. Every crib I’ve found that’s been lower in the front to allow for more clearance has either been exorbitantly expensive (at least more than I feel should be paid for a piece of baby furniture) the wrong color, a fortune in shipping costs or out of stock. At this rate, baby’s going to be sleeping in a cardboard box! Luckily for the nursery project, I only have the patience to go a couple of more days before I give in and we just buy a crib that will look nice, will be unfortunately impractical, but will nevertheless suffice. And to think that I call J the perfectionist…

Speaking of perfection, great progress was made over the weekend on finding all of our accoutrements for our baby registry. I wondered if we’d ever get the logistics figured out, even despite the expert advice I received, but we spent all of Sunday seeking out some great items that will work for us. Especially awesome finds were a swing/bouncy chair combo and a travel system that incorporates an infant travel seat with a jogging stroller that can hold up to 55 lbs. Yeah, I know these sound like relatively minor things in the big scheme of things but it’s shocking how being undecided on this stuff can hold up a whole process (i.e.; getting registered) that can, in turn, take up time and hold up other processes. I hate feeling undecided and like I’m going in circles. So, this week, we’ll get the registry going and by next week we should be all set. Between that and getting the details of the nursery nailed down, we should be ready to move on from the major work of both by the end of the month. And that's a good thing because by then I’ll be done reading my first round of parenting books and we’ll start our childbirth, breastfeeding and newborn classes August 2nd. Whew!

And no, I don’t know where we find the time to do all this stuff but there’s this part of me that's super happy to be busy with all of it nonetheless. :)

J.

Week 25: Summer Reading and a Plethora of Baffling Gear

I survived the heat of last week fairly well considering it was over 90 degrees. The a/c in the bedroom definitely came to the rescue and our heat absorbing shades did absorb a lot of the light which I can only think kept us cooler than being unshaded. Now it’s more of the normal Seattle summer with highs below 80 and just a bit of nice sunshine. If it could stay this way for the next six weeks I’d be grateful.

In the midst of our steamy summer days I made a good dent in my summer reading – that is, the four books I’ve bought so far on all things baby. (There are actually five but one of them is Johann’s “Daddy” book so I don’t suppose I’ll be reading that one although out of curiosity, I just might. :P) I’m learning a lot and, at the same time, being pulled in one philosophical direction and then another. It reminds me a lot of when I was in psych classes in college and there were all the different schools of thought on which approach was “best” to understand and deal with human behavior.

Back then I became a hybrid thinker – part Skinnerian behaviorist, part Maslowian humanist. I think it’s going to be the same with parenting. It’s already obvious to me that no one person has it all figured out now matter how many letters they have behind their name or how many years of experience they have with babies. A hybrid approach is likely just as necessary for sanity and success in this scenario as it was back in school. The stakes now just seem higher and, nowadays, there isn’t a professor waiting in the wings to compliment me on the brilliance of my line of thinking and approach. I guess it’s true what they say: parenting can be wonderful but admittedly, sometimes unrewarding. Nobody’s going to put an “A+” at the top of my paper if I figure it out, are they?

As if educating one’s self in the full gamut of parenting styles were not enough, there’s also the ridiculous amount of gear required. As I mentioned before, I got quite an education from my professional mom shopping outing with Dawn so, as Johann and I sat down to try to put together a baby registry, I felt, I realize naively now, totally prepared. That was until we’d spent an hour and a half just going over everything Dawn told me and I STILL wasn’t ready to commit to one brand or other for each essential item. It’s so rare for me to spend any amount of time mulling over my options. I almost always go immediately with my gut instinct on things and I’m usually right on the money. But this time, there’s such a learning curve and I think I may be placing too much emphasis on getting the “right” item instead of just getting something that will suffice. I don’t know. After finding that the crib I insist upon having is not being made any more and being in a huff over that, I realize I may be pickier about this whole process than I’d like to admit.

So, we’re headed out to the stores on Sunday to survey our options and try to commit to the “right” stuff. Not knowing what all is going to go in the nursery is holding us back from finishing the décor so it really is essential go get this all figured out so we can move on to more important things (like the half dozen more parenting books I want to buy/read and the birthing classes that are coming up starting August 2nd). Hopefully by the end of Sunday we’ll be moving out of this holding pattern and decisions will get made. And hopefully this doesn’t mean that I’m turning into an indecisive person. Ugh!

Baby, as always, is kicking away which Johann got to feel in full force this week. I guess I never realized how hard a baby could kick at this stage and likely, neither did Johann judging from the size of his eyes the other night when baby was really kicking hard under his hand. Hey, at least he believes me that there’s really a baby in there now. I know it can be pretty surreal for dads to imagine that there’s a baby coming when they’re not the one carrying it. Johann is however, now, officially, a believer.

Baby also seems to be finding its way further and further up my torso. From what I understand, my uterus is the size of a soccer ball at this point which is a semi-horrifying thought and yet, somehow, I can see it because I feel little feet kicking higher and higher. So far, it’s still cute and amusing and even tickles sometimes, like when I lay on my side. But, as my doctor pointed out at my last check up, “It’s only cute until you start getting kicked in the ribs,” and I’m sure she’s very right about that.

Thank God, again, for being long-waisted. I think I’m going to need all the room I can get in there. Johann talked with his mother over the weekend and found out that he weighed 9 lbs when he was born. Yes, you read that right. NINE POUNDS. I, to the other end of the spectrum, weighed just 6 lbs 6 oz and was the smallest baby in the hospital nursery. While I’d like to wish for a reasonable compromise between the two – maybe 7 lbs? – I think I can already see the handwriting on the wall. Baby is going to be big. Perhaps I should just accept this now, have a good laugh and do a lot of squatting yoga poses to help get my pelvis ready for the shock of pushing out such a robust little pot roast. If nothing else that plan of mine to get an epidural is sure starting to sound like genius… :P

Not much else to report this week. I’ve had a small amount of back pain that was probably due more to standing too long than anything directly related to baby. The ankles swell and the ankles unswell, depending on temperature and their elevation. All else is boring and good and just how I hope for it to be. Three weeks till the third trimester. Then we’ll really be off to the races.

J.