Good news: The dreaded morning sickness might actually be starting to subside. I could hardly believe it when it started happening it was so miraculous. After 10 1/2 weeks of waving the white flag at this crazy condition, I think I may actually be feeling some relief, at least for most of each day. I still feel a little queasy after I eat sometimes but overall, I'm feeling "human" and it's a godsend. It's scary to think I was honestly getting used to feeling awful!!
I had one of my first baby shopping trips over the weekend with my girl friend Melissa. It was more of a casual recon than an actual attempt at purchasing necessary items. I was glad for this because I was overwhelmed by the enormous selection of baby products out there. There are no less than fifteen different types of baby wash, for example. Baby wash! My mind spun examining them all. I wondered if this was some kind of test created to make you feel like you're a bad mother if you can't immediately hone in on the "right" one. Finally Melissa said, "Oh, just get that pink Johnson & Johnson kind like our moms used. We turned out alright, didn't we?" As a matter of fact, we did. I guess mother really does know best.
We turned the corner to the car seat aisle and I realized I was in the midst of another test. Presumably a "good" mother would know which of the 25 of them was the best and safest. Nevermind that they all, essentially, did the same thing just for different sizes of children. Cost wasn't even so much an issue (not that they're cheap or anything) as the looming guilt of knowing if you don't pick the best one your child's life is in peril. Melissa and I decided that a consult with a couple of professional moms (my sister and her best friend, respectively) was definitely in order. I just can't stomach the guilt of buying the "wrong" one.
After being chewed up and spit out by monster morning sickness for so long, I now realize there's a new monster on the horizon: the guilt monster. It's annoying, frankly. I'll admit that I'm not as prepared as some women who've been dreaming of a baby all their lives. I really didn't seriously think I'd be having one until about three years ago to be honest. But I'm making up for lost time in every way including, unfortunately, the unnecessary guilt. It seems that there are five dozen pitfalls for parents-to-be and, from that shopping trip alone I realize, I'm about to fall into every one of them.
In the words of Charlie Brown: "Good grief!"
One pitfall is the issue of music. Johann mentioned several days ago that baby's ears are now fully functioning. That made me think it must be time to start piping in the Mozart to make baby smarter until I saw a report saying that apparently fetal brains don't respond to Mozart after all. I laughed it off and thought maybe I'd just stick with rock n' roll since baby ought to get used to having a rocker mommy anyway and then I read an article today on one of those baby websites that rock music is bad for baby. Holy cow, people, make up your minds! Admittedly, the researcher who said that was from BYU and I thought maybe it was just a personal prejudice (perhaps I should be piping in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir? :P) since she advocated for playing classical music for baby instead. Apparently she had not received the memo that this won't do squat.
This only added creedence to my theory. This parenting thing is set up to make you feel guilty at every turn no matter what you do. Baby soap, car seats, music...I'm four months into pregnancy and it's already getting silly. What I need is practical advice, not conflicting opinions and guilt. Yeesh!
I think I may actually have a bit of a baby "pooch" now. Only I would notice, really, since I think anyone else who sees me would just think I'm putting on a few lbs (LOL) but I'm finally to the point where I can't "suck in" my gut anymore and I had to graduate to bigger, comfier pants. So, that baby belly everyone's waiting for may show up yet. Stay tuned.
With my stomach feeling better this week, I've been noticing other things that are "off" like my temper. I'm just so easily miffed right now it's ridiculous. It's not good to get all worked up, I know, since it raises my blood pressure, so I try to take even the upsetting stuff in stride. But dang, that's easier said than done. This whole experience is an emotional roller coaster to be sure and I cry at the drop of a hat but the temper is really the down side. I just remind myself to breathe, to stay calm, that nothing is more important than being healthy for baby and that it's not productive to slap people no matter how much I want to. So far it's working. We'll see for how long. :P
A happy announcement for today: Our friends, Ryan and Gayle, had their baby girl early this morning so now Baby J has his/her first playmate. Gayle is really a trooper having endured a 36 hour labor (like my mom reminds me I put her through!). I honestly cringed when I heard that. I'm really not afraid of labor but I am concerned that it will go so long that exhaustion may set in since I've had issues with that in the past. Beyond those concerns, however, it was a wonderful, happy day getting to see a photo of new baby Sofia. It reminded me that at least you get a beautiful baby at the end of all that labor. Something's gotta make those 36 hours worth it, right? :)
Well, here's hoping that my stomach continues to improve, that rock n' roll won't corrupt Baby J too much and that labor will last less than three days. :)
J.
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