The big news this week is that baby officially started kicking on Saturday evening. I'd felt two tiny little "binks" earlier in the week but wasn't sure if they were kicks or just gas (as we pregnant ladies are apt to have) so I dismissed them. However, on Saturday night Johann and I went to a show featuring one of our favorite musician friends, Aaron Sprinkle, who was holding the performance at his house with a very small audience. It was wonderful to be there in such an intimate setting and, of course, he sounded amazing as always. A couple of songs in, I started to feel a lot of "bink-bink-binking" and realized that baby's little dancing feet were kicking along while Aaron played. It was so cool! We laughed on the way home that baby is already a big Sprinkle fan. What good taste baby has! :)
Then on Sunday night during the final episode of LOST, baby did more than kick. I suddenly felt it do two roll-kicks inside me. It was SO crazy! It actually startled me; my heart was pounding and everything. And, for as much as all the mothers in my life have told me that moment of first baby movement will be "magical" it was actually surreal. It kind of felt like one of those scenes in scary movies where some poor guy's got something alive inside him and you can see moving around. Ha!
After calming down from being so startled, though, I laughed and hoped it would happen again. And it really dawned on me at that moment that baby is its own person with its own will and agenda. With those two roll-kicks Baby J said: "I'm my own person and I do what I want." Oh, yes, Baby J. You do.
In between kicking incidents, Johann and I made a pilgrimmage to IKEA to garner decorating ideas and launch Project: Redecorate. Mind you, yours truly has very little to do with this project other than voicing the occasional opinion. I am definitely no decorator. But Johann has a fabulous vision for the house, as always, including cool paint and decor for the bathrooms and new furniture for the bedroom. He's determined to get the place looking fab before baby arrives since likely we won't be doing much in the way of DIY after baby comes.
We also started conceptualizing the nursery which was exciting. We had a fun and unique theme picked out already but we still needed ideas for colors and furniture that would all work together. IKEA was helpful although I think we were more inspired by individual items in the various departments than anything we saw in the baby department. (That was a bit of a snore but, admittedly, we are sort of design snobs.) I really love our more developed idea now, though, and I'm so excited to get the furniture and accessorries and start putting it together. Baby's going to have such a cool space!
I'm feeling better and better from being ill and dang it's great. Still not totally back to life energetically but I do seem to be able to go further than I have in many months. Heartburn, which started mid-morning sickness, is still very much a fact of life. Ugh. It's too bad Tums won't touch it; it sucks. Other than some pelvic region soreness (ah, those stretching round ligaments) however I've been feeling remarkably good. It's crazy to think how accustomed to feeling yucky I'd become. It's nice to feel "human" again!
If I can continue to feel more energetic (and the rainy weather abates) I plan to see if I can start walking again. I'm already doing more around the house now and it feels good to get my blood flowing again. I still need that afternoon nap most days but without nausea, life has truly begun anew. Maybe I can finally start playing catch up on all those things I've been putting off so I can get ready for baby. Man, would that be awesome. :)
J.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Week 17: Rock n Roll, Temper Tantrums and Life After Morning Sickness
Good news: The dreaded morning sickness might actually be starting to subside. I could hardly believe it when it started happening it was so miraculous. After 10 1/2 weeks of waving the white flag at this crazy condition, I think I may actually be feeling some relief, at least for most of each day. I still feel a little queasy after I eat sometimes but overall, I'm feeling "human" and it's a godsend. It's scary to think I was honestly getting used to feeling awful!!
I had one of my first baby shopping trips over the weekend with my girl friend Melissa. It was more of a casual recon than an actual attempt at purchasing necessary items. I was glad for this because I was overwhelmed by the enormous selection of baby products out there. There are no less than fifteen different types of baby wash, for example. Baby wash! My mind spun examining them all. I wondered if this was some kind of test created to make you feel like you're a bad mother if you can't immediately hone in on the "right" one. Finally Melissa said, "Oh, just get that pink Johnson & Johnson kind like our moms used. We turned out alright, didn't we?" As a matter of fact, we did. I guess mother really does know best.
We turned the corner to the car seat aisle and I realized I was in the midst of another test. Presumably a "good" mother would know which of the 25 of them was the best and safest. Nevermind that they all, essentially, did the same thing just for different sizes of children. Cost wasn't even so much an issue (not that they're cheap or anything) as the looming guilt of knowing if you don't pick the best one your child's life is in peril. Melissa and I decided that a consult with a couple of professional moms (my sister and her best friend, respectively) was definitely in order. I just can't stomach the guilt of buying the "wrong" one.
After being chewed up and spit out by monster morning sickness for so long, I now realize there's a new monster on the horizon: the guilt monster. It's annoying, frankly. I'll admit that I'm not as prepared as some women who've been dreaming of a baby all their lives. I really didn't seriously think I'd be having one until about three years ago to be honest. But I'm making up for lost time in every way including, unfortunately, the unnecessary guilt. It seems that there are five dozen pitfalls for parents-to-be and, from that shopping trip alone I realize, I'm about to fall into every one of them.
In the words of Charlie Brown: "Good grief!"
One pitfall is the issue of music. Johann mentioned several days ago that baby's ears are now fully functioning. That made me think it must be time to start piping in the Mozart to make baby smarter until I saw a report saying that apparently fetal brains don't respond to Mozart after all. I laughed it off and thought maybe I'd just stick with rock n' roll since baby ought to get used to having a rocker mommy anyway and then I read an article today on one of those baby websites that rock music is bad for baby. Holy cow, people, make up your minds! Admittedly, the researcher who said that was from BYU and I thought maybe it was just a personal prejudice (perhaps I should be piping in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir? :P) since she advocated for playing classical music for baby instead. Apparently she had not received the memo that this won't do squat.
This only added creedence to my theory. This parenting thing is set up to make you feel guilty at every turn no matter what you do. Baby soap, car seats, music...I'm four months into pregnancy and it's already getting silly. What I need is practical advice, not conflicting opinions and guilt. Yeesh!
I think I may actually have a bit of a baby "pooch" now. Only I would notice, really, since I think anyone else who sees me would just think I'm putting on a few lbs (LOL) but I'm finally to the point where I can't "suck in" my gut anymore and I had to graduate to bigger, comfier pants. So, that baby belly everyone's waiting for may show up yet. Stay tuned.
With my stomach feeling better this week, I've been noticing other things that are "off" like my temper. I'm just so easily miffed right now it's ridiculous. It's not good to get all worked up, I know, since it raises my blood pressure, so I try to take even the upsetting stuff in stride. But dang, that's easier said than done. This whole experience is an emotional roller coaster to be sure and I cry at the drop of a hat but the temper is really the down side. I just remind myself to breathe, to stay calm, that nothing is more important than being healthy for baby and that it's not productive to slap people no matter how much I want to. So far it's working. We'll see for how long. :P
A happy announcement for today: Our friends, Ryan and Gayle, had their baby girl early this morning so now Baby J has his/her first playmate. Gayle is really a trooper having endured a 36 hour labor (like my mom reminds me I put her through!). I honestly cringed when I heard that. I'm really not afraid of labor but I am concerned that it will go so long that exhaustion may set in since I've had issues with that in the past. Beyond those concerns, however, it was a wonderful, happy day getting to see a photo of new baby Sofia. It reminded me that at least you get a beautiful baby at the end of all that labor. Something's gotta make those 36 hours worth it, right? :)
Well, here's hoping that my stomach continues to improve, that rock n' roll won't corrupt Baby J too much and that labor will last less than three days. :)
J.
I had one of my first baby shopping trips over the weekend with my girl friend Melissa. It was more of a casual recon than an actual attempt at purchasing necessary items. I was glad for this because I was overwhelmed by the enormous selection of baby products out there. There are no less than fifteen different types of baby wash, for example. Baby wash! My mind spun examining them all. I wondered if this was some kind of test created to make you feel like you're a bad mother if you can't immediately hone in on the "right" one. Finally Melissa said, "Oh, just get that pink Johnson & Johnson kind like our moms used. We turned out alright, didn't we?" As a matter of fact, we did. I guess mother really does know best.
We turned the corner to the car seat aisle and I realized I was in the midst of another test. Presumably a "good" mother would know which of the 25 of them was the best and safest. Nevermind that they all, essentially, did the same thing just for different sizes of children. Cost wasn't even so much an issue (not that they're cheap or anything) as the looming guilt of knowing if you don't pick the best one your child's life is in peril. Melissa and I decided that a consult with a couple of professional moms (my sister and her best friend, respectively) was definitely in order. I just can't stomach the guilt of buying the "wrong" one.
After being chewed up and spit out by monster morning sickness for so long, I now realize there's a new monster on the horizon: the guilt monster. It's annoying, frankly. I'll admit that I'm not as prepared as some women who've been dreaming of a baby all their lives. I really didn't seriously think I'd be having one until about three years ago to be honest. But I'm making up for lost time in every way including, unfortunately, the unnecessary guilt. It seems that there are five dozen pitfalls for parents-to-be and, from that shopping trip alone I realize, I'm about to fall into every one of them.
In the words of Charlie Brown: "Good grief!"
One pitfall is the issue of music. Johann mentioned several days ago that baby's ears are now fully functioning. That made me think it must be time to start piping in the Mozart to make baby smarter until I saw a report saying that apparently fetal brains don't respond to Mozart after all. I laughed it off and thought maybe I'd just stick with rock n' roll since baby ought to get used to having a rocker mommy anyway and then I read an article today on one of those baby websites that rock music is bad for baby. Holy cow, people, make up your minds! Admittedly, the researcher who said that was from BYU and I thought maybe it was just a personal prejudice (perhaps I should be piping in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir? :P) since she advocated for playing classical music for baby instead. Apparently she had not received the memo that this won't do squat.
This only added creedence to my theory. This parenting thing is set up to make you feel guilty at every turn no matter what you do. Baby soap, car seats, music...I'm four months into pregnancy and it's already getting silly. What I need is practical advice, not conflicting opinions and guilt. Yeesh!
I think I may actually have a bit of a baby "pooch" now. Only I would notice, really, since I think anyone else who sees me would just think I'm putting on a few lbs (LOL) but I'm finally to the point where I can't "suck in" my gut anymore and I had to graduate to bigger, comfier pants. So, that baby belly everyone's waiting for may show up yet. Stay tuned.
With my stomach feeling better this week, I've been noticing other things that are "off" like my temper. I'm just so easily miffed right now it's ridiculous. It's not good to get all worked up, I know, since it raises my blood pressure, so I try to take even the upsetting stuff in stride. But dang, that's easier said than done. This whole experience is an emotional roller coaster to be sure and I cry at the drop of a hat but the temper is really the down side. I just remind myself to breathe, to stay calm, that nothing is more important than being healthy for baby and that it's not productive to slap people no matter how much I want to. So far it's working. We'll see for how long. :P
A happy announcement for today: Our friends, Ryan and Gayle, had their baby girl early this morning so now Baby J has his/her first playmate. Gayle is really a trooper having endured a 36 hour labor (like my mom reminds me I put her through!). I honestly cringed when I heard that. I'm really not afraid of labor but I am concerned that it will go so long that exhaustion may set in since I've had issues with that in the past. Beyond those concerns, however, it was a wonderful, happy day getting to see a photo of new baby Sofia. It reminded me that at least you get a beautiful baby at the end of all that labor. Something's gotta make those 36 hours worth it, right? :)
Well, here's hoping that my stomach continues to improve, that rock n' roll won't corrupt Baby J too much and that labor will last less than three days. :)
J.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Week 16: Starting Somewhere in the Middle
I’ve been waiting all this time to start a baby blog because, admittedly, I’ve had pretty rough morning sickness. I didn’t want every week’s entry to read, “Still feeling yucky – but excited about baby!” Well, maybe the excited part, but I think there’s only so long people can read about how sick I am and still come back for more. To quote a girlfriend of mine, “Pregnancy’s no picnic,” and boy, was she right. In truth, it could be worse – at least I’m not throwing up and for that I’m incredibly grateful. The fact that I feel like I could toss my cookies at any time is, I'm finding, just par for the course.
As they say, the show must go on. At 16 weeks, when the sickness should have abated two weeks ago, I realize this may just be my life now. And so, this is my show “going on”.
Despite the unpleasantries, being pregnant has its spectacular moments. The attached photo is from our ultrasound back on April 26th. I guess some people cry when they first see their baby (and I’m a crier so I thought maybe I’d be one of them) but I was honestly so awestruck that I was just speechless and blown away. I was amazed that this little person was living inside me, happily dancing away and sucking its thumb. Unbelievably cool.
Our next ultrasound is June 3rd where we could find out the sex if we wanted to but we won’t because yours truly loves surprises. My sister thinks it’s because I like to torture people (people like her) and while it is pretty fun to have all the family and friends taking guesses and bets on the gender, I honestly am just a person who is so rarely surprised (ah, the life of an intuitive – nothing’s ever shocking) that the fact that something could be unknown for nine months is compelling to me. So, maybe everyone else is going to spontaneously combust over not knowing if baby is a boy or girl but I love the suspense. And yes, I realize what a sick puppy that makes me. :P
Since I’m jumping in mid-stream here, I must say that other than the 24/7 morning sickness, it’s been a boring, uneventful pregnancy which is exactly what any expectant mother hopes for. Dr. White, our OB/GYN whom I’ve decided I love because she’s super calm and makes me feel that way too, said at the ultrasound that baby was “perfect” and “beautiful”. She says that even the morning sickness, foul as it is, a good sign that all the right hormones are firing in my body. Yes, Virginia, there is an upside to morning sickness…
We’re right at the stage (14-16 weeks) where most people get various fetal genetic tests for mental retardation, etc. (a.ka. quad screen, etc. for those in the know). We’ve elected not to do these tests for the simple reason that it doesn’t matter to us if baby is normal or if baby has challenges – we’ll love him or her regardless. There isn’t a return policy on our baby so there was never a thought that we’d do anything other than carry this child to term and parent him or her regardless of abilities, or lack thereof. All these kinds of tests are performed once the baby is born anyway and Johann and I both know to be prepared for this possible scenario and so we will be. Some of the decisions we’ve had to make so far, like this one, are pretty heavy but I’m lucky to have a husband who’s on the same page as me when it comes to the important things in life. Knowing something, or not knowing something, to us, changes nothing.
As many have asked I have to say that so far, I’m not “showing” so there’s no Buddha belly to report on. This is not to say that my “comfort eating” to settle my queasy stomach hasn’t gifted me with 10+ lbs of plumpness thanks to my terrible diet of white, fluffy carbs and sugar and fat from ice cream and cookies. My clothes are pretty tight and I suspect that under that layer of “fluff” I’ve got a bit of a baby belly but so far, nothing particularly pronounced. So far pregnancy has been an eye-opening experience on many levels not the least of which is cuisine or rather, the lack thereof. Once upon a time, I considered myself quite a gourmet and certainly a lover of veggies. I cooked big, elaborate meals that always included fresh veg and only really ate carbs that were of the whole-grain variety. I hadn’t had a tub of ice cream in my freezer in 15 years. Now, I eat like a kid again – veggies are icky, noodles are awesome and "I scream" for ice cream. I knew being pregnant was about having a child but I had no idea it would turn me into one!
Also, I didn’t know what a couch potato I would become. To think I spent all those months walking and getting into better shape to have the “perfect” pregnancy. Ha! As most pregnant women can attest, the fatigue, at least in the first trimester, can make you feel like you’ve run three marathons in a row when you’ve only just gotten out of bed. This, like the nausea, has been pretty daunting. I’m in awe of women who can work full time through their pregnancies – I can barely work three days a week and even then, not the full day. My writing career’s been “on-hold” (read: circling the bowl) since February with no signs of returning which is probably the most frustrating thing for me. My mind still wants to work and create but I can’t rely on my body right now to meet deadlines. The last one I had, on a project I could simply not put off any longer, had me in tears I was so sick and still having to work on it. So, I have learned my limits, even if I hate having to accept them. Everyone says the second trimester gets better. So far, I’m three weeks into it and nothing’s changed. Life is sometimes about acceptance, though, and that may just be what I have to do right now.
Well, I think this dissertation about covers all those preliminary questions people have about how things are going, especially those of you who are far away and don’t see me regularly. I debated whether or not to “candy coat” the realities of pregnancy since, again, who wants to read about ten weeks of morning sickness? But I decided that candy coating never really was my style. This is a fascinating process with joyful days and brutal ones. To me, it all merits sharing and so, it’s all here, unvarnished – the good, the bad and the nausea.
To reassure everyone, I am definitely hanging in there and I’m finding creative ways to at least get the important things done each day. Johann has been Superman and has picked up every ounce of slack with nary a single complaint. He’s the best husband I could ever ask for and an ideal father-to-be who already deserves a medal for his patience and support. As long as I have him, I know I’m going to make it through any and all challenges just fine.
Can’t wait ‘til October 27th!
J.
As they say, the show must go on. At 16 weeks, when the sickness should have abated two weeks ago, I realize this may just be my life now. And so, this is my show “going on”.
Despite the unpleasantries, being pregnant has its spectacular moments. The attached photo is from our ultrasound back on April 26th. I guess some people cry when they first see their baby (and I’m a crier so I thought maybe I’d be one of them) but I was honestly so awestruck that I was just speechless and blown away. I was amazed that this little person was living inside me, happily dancing away and sucking its thumb. Unbelievably cool.
Our next ultrasound is June 3rd where we could find out the sex if we wanted to but we won’t because yours truly loves surprises. My sister thinks it’s because I like to torture people (people like her) and while it is pretty fun to have all the family and friends taking guesses and bets on the gender, I honestly am just a person who is so rarely surprised (ah, the life of an intuitive – nothing’s ever shocking) that the fact that something could be unknown for nine months is compelling to me. So, maybe everyone else is going to spontaneously combust over not knowing if baby is a boy or girl but I love the suspense. And yes, I realize what a sick puppy that makes me. :P
Since I’m jumping in mid-stream here, I must say that other than the 24/7 morning sickness, it’s been a boring, uneventful pregnancy which is exactly what any expectant mother hopes for. Dr. White, our OB/GYN whom I’ve decided I love because she’s super calm and makes me feel that way too, said at the ultrasound that baby was “perfect” and “beautiful”. She says that even the morning sickness, foul as it is, a good sign that all the right hormones are firing in my body. Yes, Virginia, there is an upside to morning sickness…
We’re right at the stage (14-16 weeks) where most people get various fetal genetic tests for mental retardation, etc. (a.ka. quad screen, etc. for those in the know). We’ve elected not to do these tests for the simple reason that it doesn’t matter to us if baby is normal or if baby has challenges – we’ll love him or her regardless. There isn’t a return policy on our baby so there was never a thought that we’d do anything other than carry this child to term and parent him or her regardless of abilities, or lack thereof. All these kinds of tests are performed once the baby is born anyway and Johann and I both know to be prepared for this possible scenario and so we will be. Some of the decisions we’ve had to make so far, like this one, are pretty heavy but I’m lucky to have a husband who’s on the same page as me when it comes to the important things in life. Knowing something, or not knowing something, to us, changes nothing.
As many have asked I have to say that so far, I’m not “showing” so there’s no Buddha belly to report on. This is not to say that my “comfort eating” to settle my queasy stomach hasn’t gifted me with 10+ lbs of plumpness thanks to my terrible diet of white, fluffy carbs and sugar and fat from ice cream and cookies. My clothes are pretty tight and I suspect that under that layer of “fluff” I’ve got a bit of a baby belly but so far, nothing particularly pronounced. So far pregnancy has been an eye-opening experience on many levels not the least of which is cuisine or rather, the lack thereof. Once upon a time, I considered myself quite a gourmet and certainly a lover of veggies. I cooked big, elaborate meals that always included fresh veg and only really ate carbs that were of the whole-grain variety. I hadn’t had a tub of ice cream in my freezer in 15 years. Now, I eat like a kid again – veggies are icky, noodles are awesome and "I scream" for ice cream. I knew being pregnant was about having a child but I had no idea it would turn me into one!
Also, I didn’t know what a couch potato I would become. To think I spent all those months walking and getting into better shape to have the “perfect” pregnancy. Ha! As most pregnant women can attest, the fatigue, at least in the first trimester, can make you feel like you’ve run three marathons in a row when you’ve only just gotten out of bed. This, like the nausea, has been pretty daunting. I’m in awe of women who can work full time through their pregnancies – I can barely work three days a week and even then, not the full day. My writing career’s been “on-hold” (read: circling the bowl) since February with no signs of returning which is probably the most frustrating thing for me. My mind still wants to work and create but I can’t rely on my body right now to meet deadlines. The last one I had, on a project I could simply not put off any longer, had me in tears I was so sick and still having to work on it. So, I have learned my limits, even if I hate having to accept them. Everyone says the second trimester gets better. So far, I’m three weeks into it and nothing’s changed. Life is sometimes about acceptance, though, and that may just be what I have to do right now.
Well, I think this dissertation about covers all those preliminary questions people have about how things are going, especially those of you who are far away and don’t see me regularly. I debated whether or not to “candy coat” the realities of pregnancy since, again, who wants to read about ten weeks of morning sickness? But I decided that candy coating never really was my style. This is a fascinating process with joyful days and brutal ones. To me, it all merits sharing and so, it’s all here, unvarnished – the good, the bad and the nausea.
To reassure everyone, I am definitely hanging in there and I’m finding creative ways to at least get the important things done each day. Johann has been Superman and has picked up every ounce of slack with nary a single complaint. He’s the best husband I could ever ask for and an ideal father-to-be who already deserves a medal for his patience and support. As long as I have him, I know I’m going to make it through any and all challenges just fine.
Can’t wait ‘til October 27th!
J.
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